The Mothership

Friends are so important to me.  They provide me with the ability to see things clearly.  They love and support me, yada, yada, yada.  I could continue but I think everyone, in a different season of their life, has different aspects that are important to them in a friendship. I know the characteristics I valued as a teenager are most definitely NOT the same as they are now.  I have learned through a lot of friendships, or what I thought were friendships, hard truths of what I value in a friend.  But isn't that one of the points of high school...learning who you are and what you value?  I feel like I've only REALLY been able to reflect on this recently.  I wish I could go back in time and save myself a lot of emotional torment and grief.  However, I think all the emotional hurt was vital to my growth and understanding what I wanted in a friend. In this season of my life, I just don't have a lot of time.  My time is separated and do...

Good night sweet heart, well it's time to go... Good night sweet heart, well it's time to go... I hate to leave you, I really must say, Oh, good night sweetheart, goodnight. Sad emoji face... Such sweet words... I sang this to all my sweet babies after they would fall asleep from a nightly feeding.  Oh how I enjoyed those feedings.  Maybe not the waking up part.  But most definitely the snuggling, and inhaling the sweet smell of that baby. I believe that this time has come to an end... I have been blessed with three beautiful babes and am so thankful for all their different characters and personalities.  But, I always, obviously not realistically, envisioned myself as a Mother of young children. so this is hard, people... We recently switched the nursery, that I so carefully planned, into my 4 yr old daughter's bedroom.  No more nursery.  I always knew that the end of my baby making years would be rough, but I did not expect to be...

I was supposed to have surgery today... but God had bigger plans for me.  Bigger plans than I could have ever dreamed. They always say healing happens, and when it happens it is usually not just for physical healing but for some kind of transformation...well, He's been working on more than my wrist. About a year ago I tore cartilage in my wrist...opening salsa...I know, true story.  Who does that ?  Anyway, it became so painful that I went to a doctor and after a few tests decided that surgery was the next step.  The doctor left it up to me as to when I should have surgery...having an 18 month old and surgery don't really mix.  So I waited...talked to God a bit...waited... and the pain increased. I could no longer do a push-up, open a can of beans, garden, clean the house, shake an inhaler for my son, lift my toddler into his car seat, crab-walk across a gym, pretend to be a horse for my kids to ride, sleep through the night without waking in pain...on a...

I don't know how, but some people are born with this ability to completely quote movies.  Word for word, no faltering, they can remember exactly how it was said in the movie.  I am not one of these people.  Even the girly movies that I have seen a bazillion times, I can never seem to quote from them when appropriate.  And when I go out on a limb to try and sound funny, I stumble all over myself and it ends up coming out as word barf!  My son, however is able to quote movies, and even applies the quote to a situation that relates.  Here is how a conversation at breakfast went this morning: After asking Luke three separate times (of course while I'm making lunches and emptying the dishwasher all at the same time) what he wanted for breakfast, he finally answers with a growl and pursed lips, "Strawberries and eggs."  So what do I do, I make eggs and a side of blueberries.  That's what he said right? I bring his plate to the table.  He finall...

It's been long since told, but we are pregnant again!!!  And to tell you the truth, I am pretty excited.  No, really, I am...at least I am now:)  It came as a bit of a shock, but I am very excited.  Infact, I was just looking at someones facebook page and they were cuddling with their baby, and I had a longing for cuddles...a longing?  Really?  How can this be?  My little girl is only a bit over a year and I'm already ready for another baby.  I can't really say that I was ready for the news when I found out though. We had Carolyn's first birthday party.  To my surprise, as we were opening gifts, I thought that maybe I had started my period...false alarm.  But that got me thinking...when WAS my cycle supposed to start?  I am fairly regular but, I didn't think much of it and the week went on.  Finally on the following Friday it occurred to me that I had not started yet and that I may actually be pregnant.  I was running wi...

Luke has embarrassed me... and I'm sure it won't be the last. We were at a friends house, a bachelor of course, where no children abide.  I'm always nervous I'm going to have to replace some expensive VAZ from Paris or somewhere exotic that is of course IMPOSSIBLE to replace.  That being said, this friend is pretty laid back and LOVES kids.  In fact he reinvites us time and time again...doesn't he remember us? The kids ate well, played well through most of dinner.  I enjoyed playing with them as Tim and said friend talked about things way over most "non-tech" peoples heads.  Luke brought lots of toys with him includig his cars.  Now, this is a VERY WHITE house with LOTS of white walls and carpet and nice hardwood in the kitchen.  At one point I got pulled into the conversation with the other adults in the room.  However, promptly before that I reprimanded Luke for ALMOST driving his cars on the walls for fear of marks on the walls....

So I know plenty of women feel insecure about their body image when they are pregnant.  However, I seem to have heard the MOST ridiculous comments, directed at me, that no pregnant woman should ever have heard.  Some of them were even from the nurses at the Ob/Gyn office and they see tons of preggo ladies.  My conclusion is that I just make people feel sooooo comfortable that they decide they can tell me their inner most thoughts and not feel the need to filter anything.  Yes, this has to be the only logical answer.  Right? I mean what would posses a person to even say these things.  I have stuck my foot in my mouth plenty of times, but I almost always IMMEDIATELY retract my statement and profusely apologize.  Here are some of the statements: "Hmmm, and the doctor hasn't mentioned anything to you about how much you've gained?"  "Were you overweight before you became pregant?" said to me during delivery "Ooooooooo, ssshhhshhshsh, I really d...

So it has been about a year since I posted anything!!!  That's amazing.  I guess I've been a little busy this past year, having a new baby and all.  So, in the next posts, I will just be trying to recount some of my memories from the past year.  They probably won't be sequential, because I can't remember more than two things at a time anymore.  Sorry for the sabbatical:)

I don't know how, but other people don't seem to have this panty-line problem that I have.  Should I really be wearing granny-panties?  Am I the only person still wearing underwear? Because it seems I'm the only one that has a panty-line.  Am I the only person having this turmoil run through my head?  I THINK NOT!  I think there are a lot of people out there that just care not to share their talents of "hiding the panty line."  Every time I go to the store I somehow end up in the lingerie department.  These thoughts run through my head each time: Oooo, those are cute! Do they have them in my size? What is my size?  Am I lying to myself, or should I REALLY be THAT size? Maybe I should try a different cut? Maybe I should try a different brand? Does everyone really wear thongs all the time?  I mean, I do wear them, but ONLY when necessary. Should I only be wearing spanks? Then I inevitably do 1 of 2 things: buy 5 pairs of underwear ...

I am really starting to relate to that saying...you have the patience of a saint... Has a nice ring to it.  However, it means you are enduring most things that others probably don't want to.  And they've even said the aforementioned quote to you to make you feel better, when actually, they are saying, "Man I'm glad I don't have to deal with that." My son would be the result of this quote being said, more times than I can count on my new stretch marks, to me.  He has officially hit the 'Terrible Twos"...and he's only 17 months...he's very advanced for his age:) Seriously though, I was a teacher of young children, so I'm not sure why this is coming as a shock to me.  He is not rational (but then again, neither am I right now).  He screams unless you let him do it his way, and it was his idea (which I guess, I am partial to those feelings as well, even when I'm not pregnant). So, I've decided that I will take a different appro...

So I know it has been awhile, but I've been a little pregnant ok!  I know it's the lamest excuse, but it's the one I'm goin' with!  These past two months have been a bit busy...and it's been unseasonably warm, so we've been outside a lot (meaning I'm exhausted). Since I've last posted, I have: gained an appetite gained some pounds read The Hungar Games, all 3 of them in a 2 1/2 week span had some parties napped made some bowties (that are VERY cute by the way!) read Roadwork to my son at least 3 times a day, probably more gained a better understanding of how much patience my child needs from an adult There is probably more, but I can't remember anything anymore (infact, I have started to post EVERYTHING in my calendar just so I can recall what happened yesterday). Mostly though, I have tried to put all the "stuff" aside and just enjoy being with my son, before his world (and mine) are thrown for a wild ride!  I love him...

I've caught the bug...I'm preggo again (and not just hungry for the canned pasta sauce).  I'm actually fo' real pregnant!  AHHHHHH!!!!  What have I done? No seriously, I am very excited for this new baby.  I LOOOOOOOVE Babies.  I love their smell, their wrinkly bodies, the breast feeding, the rocking, the singing, hmmmmmm, need I go on? However, right from the start this baby is already different.  I feel more nauseous than I did when I carried Luke (maybe it's a girl?).  My energy level is nil.  I'm not sure if that's because I have Luke to chase around this time?  I was chasing around 12 1st graders before, so it can't be that much different.  I have little to no appetite.  I haven't gained any weight (which is peculiar, considering I do this even when I'm not pregnant).  Poor Tim comes home from a day full of work and swoops in to make it all better (he's the bestest!). We found out the day after I got sick in my exerc...

So it's no big news that Luke is a little mischievous, curious, dangerous, agile, unsteady, sneaky and stealthy.  All of these can be good things.  But when combined together, they create a TERRIBLE situation...at least from a mom's perspective.  The other day all these adjectives came together...and stopped my heart. Luke was being especially fussy this day and we were trying to get ready to make our way out of the door for our regular Sunday soccer game.  So naturally, Tim and I were both in the bedroom, kinda, trying to entertain Luke as we pack up.  Tim left the room for some reason and I was walking out and coming right back in less than 2 seconds...LITERALLY (notice the urgency to explain myself, which means I'm a little guilt-ridden)! I walk out of the room, hear a drawer open from our double-wide dresser.  I say, "Luke, close the drawer," as I walk into his room, grab something, and begin to turn around to walk back, I hear a noise...the biggest...

As the song from Singing in the Rain plays in the background, I wake to the sound of my sweet little bundle of joy (who is not so little anymore).  I gaze over to the clock in a morning haze and realize it says...6 o'clock! Really!?!?!  This early? Hmmm... maybe I was hearing things.  So, I turn over, pull the covers up, and the crying persists.  I guess it's time to "wakey, wakey". It is so hard sometimes to muster the strength and energy to pull myself out of bed, or to go to him when he's woken too early from a nap.  He should be asleep!  What is this nonsense?  Then I realize he's a person too, and could quite possibly not feel well.  How frustrated would you be if you couldn't convey to a person what was wrong? There is the verse "Children are a gift from the Lord;  They are a reward from Him." Psalm 127:3.  Sometimes, this is very hard to remember.  Like when they've thrown their food/utensils/cups on the ground for the h...

Do any of us really understand what it means to go hungry?  Because of certain economic circumstances some of us may, but I have to say most of the people I know, have not really GONE hungry. Most of the people I know have a house/place with heat, are not worrying about when the paycheck is coming or when they will be eating again.  I'd say most of the people I know are "fortunate."  I don't really like to speak about political issues, but I have a hard time understanding why this is a political issue?  Is it really because SO many people planned poorly and continue to do so?  Is it because they are lazy?  Is it just the hand they were dealt?  I'm not sure it's really any one of those things...maybe a compilation of some, but not black and white FOR SURE, 100% one reason! Some Americans who have poor health issues, based more around nutrition and exercise, are also considered poverty level as far as economic status.  Their health issues also c...

Before you read this, do you have all your Christmas decor put away? If so, then BRAVO!  If not then kudos to you to being a procrastinator! EVERY year I feel the same way about putting Christmas decorations away...I hate it!  I hate taking down, the lights outside, because it's flippin' freezing!  I hate bringing all the boxes out, only to put them right back away.  I hate what putting them away actually means...Christmas, my favorite time of year, is OVER! I LOVE everything about Christmas: the family time the cookies the traditions the ornaments the cheeriness of some the generosity bestowed to others the family time the cookies (oops...did I mention those twice?) Every year I am faced with this conundrum: to put up or not?  That is the question.  And I always answer...is there any other answer? "YES is being my answer" (if you are a fan of romantic comedies, I actually just quoted one...twenty points for you if you know to which movie I ...

So, it's the eve before everyone returns to work and a regular schedule or "routine" as we professionals call it;) BOOOOOO :( This "stinky feeling" overcomes me in the pit of my stomach.  I think most people qualify it as depression (maybe I should get some Abilify to make this little rain cloud disappear).  I have always had this feeling when I have to leave people whose company makes me feel alive, safe, funny, comfortable, warm, and loved inside.  I can remember as early as 4 years of age having this feeling.  It's safe to say, I'm attached to people!  It's this ugly gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach.  It makes my mood "swing", turns my stomach into knots and even makes my eyes do this funny watery thing (very weird).  This feeling slightly overcomes me even when I am just leaving a family function or friendly party.  I...JUST...CAN'T...BREAK...AWAY!  What is wrong with me? I've come to a conclusion...it's because I jus...

Quiet...:) Quiet...:/ QQUUUUIIIIIEEEEETTTT!!!!!! As soon as you have a child, the meaning of quiet is greatly altered.  The, what you thought were, quietest things seem extremely loud:  the bark of a neighbors dog the sound of the air conditioner/heater kicking on the mailman delivering to the mailbox (which is about 40 feet from our front door) a bird chirping the water running the dishwasher in quiet mode a whisper the garbage collector All these things become something...quite different in a mother's eyes: A LOUD BEAR GROWLING THE SOUND OF A SPACE ROCKET LAUNCHING THE SOUND OF A NASCAR SPEEDWAY A PTERODACTYL SCREECHING FOR ITS PREY NIAGRA FALLS AN INDUSTRIAL WASHING MACHINE ON OVERLOAD SOMEONE YELLING AT A CONCERT THE SOUNDS FROM A SCRAP-METAL YARD I can remember a scenario that ALMOST played out when Luke was only a few month old.  I was up feeding Luke for his nightly feeding.  He ate so peacefully and was pretty much asleep (mind you i...