The Mothership

My quiet morning begins with my subtle alarm. As I place my feet on the floor and smell the aroma of delayed brew coffee (BEST THING EVER) I can hear the pit-pat on the window as rain falls. To quote my friend's momma, "The weather is so appropriate for today." Bleak, gloomy, and just uninviting. As I go about my morning routine of quiet time before the kids get up I reflect on Good Friday. I went through my devotionals they all intertwined somehow. Each devotional was different and only one was Easter themed. I usually read and bookmark verses that stand out to me and then after I read, I write down the verses and reflect. As I begin that portion, little footsteps come down the hall...one by one.  My moment of solitude isn't so solitaire, but still sweet. After saying their good morning pleasantries, and doling out kisses and hugs because it's a new day, they each find their space on the couch...keeping a careful eye on the level of mommy's coffee...too...

She sits gazing...gazing at what I am not sure. I am blinded by the light emitting from around the outline of her silhouette.  She is bathed in a radiant glow that also gives off an aroma.  I step closer to realize the woman is scented in a fine perfume. She is not concerned of others. Nor the details of her physique.  But she has her eyes on one thing... The light that emits from her is because of her faith...it has saved her. She is peace. She is radiant. She exudes joy, wonder, and forgiveness. She is the presence of peace because she has made His heart her home. I see all of this, taking in each detail without even seeing the details. Details of the heart are not something one can see at first glance. But as you study them they become the dominant features. Her spirit is so in tune with God's because her spirit is God's. She shows abundant love because she has been forgiven much. Her hands hold an alabaster jar. All of her senses pointedly looking and activating to th...

So many people have said so many words. Some words are worthy to stand behind and others not so much. I am not here to debate but simply to pour out my words that I’ve been chewing.  My husband and I sat and watched the beginning of a series called “1968” and for a moment my heart was heavy. I thought, “this was so long ago and yet the same issues.” I think, through years and years of blood sweat and tears, there have been advances and more and more people are “woke,” to civil injustice than before. But the fact of the matter is, there is still an enemy at large. Still an enemy to fight and battle every single day. Everyone’s battle looks different. And just when it seems we have an upper hand on it, that same enemy shows his face again and again. Not just in violence but in fear, sickness, anxiety, depression, division, and on and on.  And you know what? The ONLY thing keeping that enemy from winning my battle is HOPE. The only thing that can truly and completely drive out th...

Everyone has them... Some show them more than others... Some show more of them than others... Emotions...I have them big and small...and for all the days. Some people process their emotions in different ways - silence, yelling, tantrums, and the most common for me...TEARS.  Big fat ones all the time stroll down my face for happy, sad, compassion, joy, tired, hangry, exhausted, hormonal, angry, embarrassed, scared, nervous, or just processing life... All of these emotions bring the same result...TEARS And you know what, I don't think I'm worse for wear because of them; my tears or my emotions.  I hear from my old self and others, apologies for tears. Apologies for emotions.  And I'm not sure that's the appropriate response. Since when do I need to apologize for the way I feel? Everyone feels differently and it manifests in everyone differently.  It's what we do with the emotions, how we react, that warrant an apology.   I believe a lot of u...

I hate canceling on people - I really dislike the word hate, but it is appropriately used here. When I cancel on someone I feel as if I have let them down. I want people to be able to count on me or at least feel like I am reliable. And I would say, that yes, in most things I am reliable.  I'm fairly certain I have these feelings because growing up, if we said we were going to do something, we followed through and did it well.  That's just what we did.  No quitting.  No regrets. You always showed up; rain or snow, we walked to church.  Busy or not, we showed up.  I am so thankful for those lessons, because I feel like it has given me opportunities to meet Jesus by serving and being there for others. However, sometimes I over-do it.  Sometimes I want to be there for everything and I just physically can't.  And my kiddos physically can't either. And I'm not sure it is my best self forward...or my kiddos best self forward.   I suffer fr...

I was gardening in my flower bed the other day planting a new flower.  As I was digging, I ran into a root from an old bush that I pulled out and relocated to a different spot when Luke was a toddler.  I remember so fondly his little hands helping me pull and pull so hard to bring the bush out from under the soil that we both fell backward and just laughed (that's right, just like a Hallmark movie) .  I can hear in my mind his little "umph"...and "woah!" that his little voice made.  I'm so thankful for that memory because it speaks right to Luke's nature of serving and helping even at a young age and it's just a great memory for me as a young mommy. I'm also thankful that I had a bush to pull out. It meant we had a yard to maintain and it needed no attention for the first few years. But pulling it out and relocating it meant there was room for something new to grow.  I wasn't getting rid of the bush, I was simply putting it in a ...

 I have a friend...whose birthday is today. She is one of the sweetest people God has put in my path. Everything she does, is intentional. The first memory I have of her is meeting her at church and her, at the time, two small boys were climbing the stairs...and she was managing them lovingly and yet she tells me she is a Small Group leader! In my mind I thought, " How in the world does she have time to be a LEADER of anything. " This was only a small glimpse of the heights that she and Grant reach to achieve. The next thing I knew she was inviting me in to her life ( sharing being pregnant with Ryan at only 7 weeks and showing me her pooch ), telling me she had dreams about me in the middle of the church hallways ( which might have involved me being a call-girl 😏), us sharing in our many intimate stories and needs for birth control... I'll leave it at that ...and from there it has exploded.  There are so many stories now, but I want to mention a few attributes of Sara...

Moms - or parents for that matter - should be given ear plugs at the hospital when the baby is born... not because babies or children are ALWAYS obnoxious...kids are great.  I LOVE kids.  I love being with other people's kids too. I love playing with them, encouraging them, and cuddling them...and the list goes on, and I think most people that know me, know those statements to be true, but to be completely honest... THE NOISE NEVER STOPS! At least not in this house.  Good noises, bad noises, sad, happy, angry noises...there is just a lot of it! And sometimes I am just DONE...D-O-N-E. done. Confession: I am a naptime NAZI.  I might be a little anxious about when the naptime phase is over for everyone, because I just need a moment from the noise.  I can remember when I was teaching and had no children of my own but came home and just needed silence...at least for awhile. I find myself completely overwhelmed by the sounds that they make.  ...

Holidays can often leave a painful mark or reminder for those who had absent, hurtful, tumultuous relationships with loved ones that are either still lingering or were left undone without closure or mended hearts. Mother’s Day is a day when most are celebrated but there are some that are hurting. If this is you, maybe you have... feelings of abandonment... feelings of resentment... feelings of wanting... feelings of complacency... feelings of blah... feelings of loss... feelings of fear... feelings of anxiety... feelings of the not yet... Lots of feelings. I want to say to you... You are seen. You are loved. You are cherished. Jesus sees you and loves you more than any mother could love. In church one morning, I noticed people...some joyful, some sad, some hurt, some happy, some mundane and unnoticed. God hits me with, “These are my kids and they need to be mothered too.” Whether you have/had a great relationship with your mom or not, there are lots of people that need moth...

I am so blessed to be walking alongside so many Christian friends for so long and have grown close to even more.  I was blessed to have a great high school youth group.  Not only did I see these friends on Sundays, but we did life together and these were my friends I chose to see in my free time.  We went on mission trips together, did many outreaches, and we did the messy high school friendship stuff...and you know what?  Amazingly...we are still close, years and years later.  Our youth group laid a foundation for us. Life happens and we don't see each other as much as we'd like.  But we try to make it a priority.  And even though we may not all attend the same church, we connect.  We text -thank GOD for texting - from time to time, somehow picking up the conversation in the same place we did a month ago...with quick updates.  Speed texting has become a sport.  KEEP UP!  One of the key things we keep up on is our spirituality...

I still have a lot to learn about love.  I've put in a lot of years with the same man - 19 to be exact - and yet, we still learn new things everyday.  We are not the same couple from high school ( definitely not in appearance ) nor the same from the first year of our marriage.  Some things haven't changed: we still have loads of fun, we still bicker, we are still each others best friends, we are both pursuing the Lord, he is still faster than me ( some things you just learn to embrace ).  But other things are different: we communicate better, we build each other up, we drop the small things, we prioritize for each other, we are better lovers, we have better boundaries to keep our relationship a top priority, we are teammates, and the BEST one is we are better at respecting each other.  Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times we have thrown each other under the bus.  There are times when we are arguing in front of others and neither one of us is bei...