The Mothership

Have you ever noticed that when something is missing or lacking or empty, it is the absence of it's presence that you even knew it was supposed to be there in the first place? The absence makes you miss it. When I can't find my scissors because someone took them without asking, it was the fact that they are missing, that I became frustrated they were missing. When a grocery item, like my salt & vinegar chips, are missing from the grocery - for the hundredth time - it is their lack of being there that I even knew I NEEDED them so much. When my son says, "I'm not hungry," but his behavior indicates otherwise, it is the lack of self control that reminds me I forgot to make lunch. When no one says thank you for the ways that you cared for them, it is the absence of the thank you that made you believe you even needed their affirmations in the first place.  It is not until "we can't find..." that we realize we are lacking. Going through life, realizing...

 Have you ever been so cranky you're just agitated with everything in sight? The way the mailman crumpled your package... How you haven't made time to fix the broken window shield in the front of your car... How your children run in from school and immediately drop everything to the floor because they don't have ample time at school to properly use the restroom? The way a certain someone chews their food... You have to wear button up pants, and button up pants make you have a headache... How everyone wants to climb and touch you all the time...  How someone slams the toilet from the other room... How the laundry is NEVER finished and socks will forever be turned inside out... How you spoke horribly to someone this morning and can't fix it till later... NO. Just me, eh? Well, this story starts with one agitated mother and ends with a bag of cheese. I was going about my business and all of the above events, plus a dozen more that I won't be vulnerable enough to enligh...

I hate canceling on people - I really dislike the word hate, but it is appropriately used here. When I cancel on someone I feel as if I have let them down. I want people to be able to count on me or at least feel like I am reliable. And I would say, that yes, in most things I am reliable.  I'm fairly certain I have these feelings because growing up, if we said we were going to do something, we followed through and did it well.  That's just what we did.  No quitting.  No regrets. You always showed up; rain or snow, we walked to church.  Busy or not, we showed up.  I am so thankful for those lessons, because I feel like it has given me opportunities to meet Jesus by serving and being there for others. However, sometimes I over-do it.  Sometimes I want to be there for everything and I just physically can't.  And my kiddos physically can't either. And I'm not sure it is my best self forward...or my kiddos best self forward.   I suffer fr...