The Mothership

  I don’t usually fold this laundry. I’m folding it out of love for an overwhelmed teenager. As I’m folding, I’m thinking about how the laundry pieces used to be tiny and the amount I used to fold was mountainous. Thoughts flood of how quickly that season of doing everything for them has passed. How now its even harder to change my survial responses to more of a listening response. While I was in that season of tininess, it took a daily dose of grace to remind myself that the moments are fleeting.  I find a shirt and of course, it is littered with words of empowerment, but most boldly stands the word PERSPECTIVE . As I have parented as of late, I don’t think I’d be winning any awards of compassion or understanding. Infact I hear quite regularly "I don't know...you don't understand." I’ve never done this teenager thing of raising semi-adults while I myself am headed through my own emotional roller coaster. I feel like I could wallow in self-pity for all the times I cou...

Here I am, beginning  in the land of the teenagers and loving it. These people are the ones I wanted and prayed for when I was in high school. I love littles, so this comes a a huge surprise to me. These are truly some of the sweetest and yet unnerving years in parenting yet. And I’ve only approached the edge.  Each parenting season is harder than others in their own unique ways and each season is easier than another. I would give ANYTHING for the slower pace we had when the kids were tiny. Watching them learn things for the first time - it’s so much more concrete than watching your teen figure out their hormones. At the same time, my kids all know how to tie their own shoes and can prepare themselves accordingly to leave the house at a specific time- varied obviously by emotions, but they can do it. The sleeping schedule from the season of littles is least desired and yet - I could use a nap and a cuddle midday myself. The rocking to sleep and the little games that k...

We have been evaluating our family dynamics from morning routines, to evening routines, and seeing where we may have taken a turn from our initial intent. Tim asked me to read the book 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family by Patrick Lencioni. I highly recommend this easy to read tool. We are at the beginning stages of putting it into practice. In one of the activations, you are to strategize about your family values. One of my family values would be for my children to know the Bible and understand God in a real, living, way that can imprint their identity and also help guide them to where God can use them in the world.  But who's got time for that?!?! We are all out here trying to do our best. Our family during many months of the year can run ragged and maybe only all sit down to eat together twice a week. The values and focus we want to impress upon our children can get lost in the daily shuffle of “doings” if we are not careful and intentional with our time. I want to prioritize...

I walk in to the kitchen and find myself in the middle of a conversation between Tim and Carolyn. Even though the boys are loud, and honestly myself too, Tim and Carolyn seem to be having a very intimate conversation before school. As I'm running through all the tasks at hand that need to be accomplished before they each walk out the door, Tim finds the space between the minutes to make them count. The boys are jabbering on and on about bodily functions and nonsense words whilst tying shoes. Meanwhile Tim and Carolyn could be in their own booth at a cute diner fully engrossed in their discussion. I'm fortunate enough that this is not the first time this scene has played. He loves talking with her...with all the kids. His time is limited and his words are few. But something the kids and I have no doubt about is that most words he speaks are weighed. Tim doesn't say much without first thinking it over. Here is what I hear between the chaos: T: Do you know how much I love your...

Helping people is kinda my jam. I love helping people. Probably to the level of helicopterish. I am sure some have felt as if I have interfered with their space and taken over. Maybe even offended at the thought that they needed help. But, I can say it comes from the best part of me and I am a work in progress. If you are my friend or in my vicinity...you will be helped...whether you like it or not. JK - I have better boundaries now at my ripe old age of 38. But sometimes I CANNOT help myself at helping others and if you love me you'll take this trait and utilize it. If you aren't my friend, yet, then so sorry, steer clear. All joking aside, I really do love helping others with the best of intentions and from the bottom of my heart, without trying to be weird about it. God has knit this trait so deeply in my being that he made the Acts of Service Love Language my least favorite of all the five. Just like any trait if it is stewarded well with boundaries it can be a release of c...

I sat watching Mary give her song of praise through the lens of the television. She recites a song as if from memory and through the screen I can sense a longing in her heart. A longing to BE with her maker. She portrays what the honor of carrying the savior in her heart truly meant to her.  Mary’s Prophetic Song 46  And Mary sang this song:      “My soul is ecstatic, overflowing with praises to God! 47  My spirit bursts with joy over my life-giving God! [ aj ] 48  For he set his tender gaze upon me, his lowly servant girl. [ ak ]      And from here on, everyone will know      that I have been favored and blessed. 49  The Mighty One has worked a mighty miracle for me;      holy is his name! 50  Mercy kisses all who fear him,      from one generation to the next. [ al ] 51  Mighty power flows from him      to scatter all those who walk...

I see you. I know you. You seem familiar and resemble someone I know.  You are the woman holding her babe that seems happy in her arms with the invisible sleeping and attachment struggles from beneath the baby wearing garment. The woman who comes to the party, grimacing and half smiling because her little guy is pumeling everything in sight because he needs to. The woman who comes with the little one afraid to enter the crowd because it is too noisy or too much and all you want to do is socialize.  The woman who comes with a child that is over opinionated and remarks loudly to everything they process. The woman who so desperately wants to understand her child and would do anything to just “have an easy day.” I see your struggle, and your torment. And yet, somehow, I see your delight.  You see the joy in your child. And you feel as if you’re the only one able to see. You ask yourself that question that seems to be on repeat, “Does anyone else see the struggle and yet the l...

We have been cooped up for many a days now. I am tired of cooking. I am tired of all the directing of chaos. I am tired of being the good listener. I am tired...for many reasons. But mostly because I am spent. I've spent all the energy I have on the daily of pouring into my little brood.  I have come to terms with the idea of rest. Rest might be a figment of my imagination?!?!  This job will forever be exhausting. However, what if I changed my expectations? What if instead of saying, "That wasn't what I had hoped for...that wasn't what I expected," I look to what was there? What was in the midst of the moment enveloped in goodness? What was in the little efforts? What were the intentions? Expectations help us strive for more and reach for high goals. I see the value behind those benchmarks. Friends, expectations, though they start with good intentions, set limitations. Expectations can be humbling motivators, and I believe are at the driving point...

You have not lived the life of a first world parent until you have many stories of some kind of bodily fluid cleanup happenstance story. So many that you feel like no one else could have this many stories - but infact I can tell you that Susan down the street, as much as she is trying to hide it, ALSO has these stories under her belt. Let’s play a game of “Never have I ever...” where I name something and you lower your head in defeat if you have. READY?!?? NEVER HAVE I EVER...  Caught throw up in my hands...voluntarily  I’m gonna let that one sink in for a bit Never have I ever put my smiling baby up high in the air with their beautiful face looking down at you only to be directly vommited on with accuracy of a nuclear bomb.   Been changing a baby’s diaper and caught their poo in your hands mid change.  Awoken by the cry of someone breathing putrid smelling breath over you saying, “I fink I got sick mommy...” In the car on an awesome family vacation...

I feel like we all have varying degrees of where we are in our walk with the Lord. Some of us have been following Him for years. some have been questioning Him for years. Some are boldly living a life committed to loving others well. Some are pressing into new giftings that he's so richly blessed us with. Some of us love to be good people. Some of us are looking for any opportunity to bring God's Kingdom. And some of us haven't taken the unknown step of having Him in your life. And some of us just don't even want to bother. But guess what...God still loves us.  No matter where we are in our walk, God still loves us. He is about connection and relationship. He is a Father with wide open arms no matter the cost or the energy or the effort. God loves the prodigal son/daughter feeling rejected by all the things they've "done wrong." God loves all those beaten down and told so many lies of their self-worth. God loves the child seeking and que...

Among most people who are raising smaller humans you can hear a mantra, "I'm just tired..." And I'm not sure that it goes away - encouraging, I know.  When you have an infant you are exhausted because of loss of sleep. And the days can be long. And as they grow older you get more sleep - so to speak. But the days can still be long. And see, I'm thinking there is a culprit at the head of the game of tiredness...the things I find where I am loosing my patience the most... Teachable moments...they draw their weapons and yell " I'll be your huckleberry "...(movie reference) every single time. The amount of opportunities for me to have a teachable moment with my children is exasperating. It’s not just once a day - more like 20 times a day...per child. "Hmmm, I haven't had to teach or model or reinforce anything today." said nary a parent. And that's not to say that I haven't had awesome days filled with wonderful memories ...

My kids eat pretty well at home - I mean if the stars align, there is a possibility that everyone will remain in their chairs and that gravity won't work against them, finding their bottoms on the floor once again. Or the reminders to "Take another bite" will be minuscule...but all in all, they eat and they sit at the table and they come back to do this about 5 times a day. So naturally I think "I just don't feel like cleaning up another mess today," or "I'm tired of packing 4 lunches...let's go out" But eating out with these fine humans is a whole other ballgame...a game I enter with prayers that THIS time we enter into this restaurant will end differently than the time before... and ALMOST every single time I am reminded that I was wrong. I am fully reminded of why we don't take our three out to eat unless the whole dining experience can take less than 45 minutes from sitting to standing. It's like dipping your toe in i...