The Mothership

To my friend whose life has changed since Thanksgiving...hearing your voice speak THAT word... such an ugly word; chemo...cancer. And they both mean the same thing essentially...poison in the body. And yet, might I say, you are NOT changed for the worst. This disease is only that, a disease.  You have NOT let it define you! I will never know a day in your shoes, and nor will I ever pretend to know what your mind, heart, and body have been through. But there are some things you have taught me these past 7 months. You have taught me... there is absolutely NO excuse to not getting my laundry folded...not even the fitted sheets. my excuses for NOT exercising carry no weight...they are just empty words. what humility looks like...accepting and receiving help is not easy - at least I know not for you and me. how smart and clever you are. I knew it before, but the amount of information you keep in your head - even after children and chemo - is astounding. that children are const...

I don't know about you, but I find myself saying "NO"...a lot to my children. Why, in heaven's name, is this my first reaction? Control.  I think I've talked about this before.  For whatever reason I revert to needing to control my child.  I control out of fear.  Fear of them misbehaving, fear of them being hurt, fear of them hurting someone, fear of being singled out, fear, fear fear.  And I'm pretty sure my God does not operate out of fear.  So then, why should I?  I find myself repeating and negotiating over and over.  I do this so much that it seems the word "NO" has lost its meaning.  Others say it, and it means so much more.  I want my children to respond when I say no, whether it is because I am not feeling what is happening or for safety concerns.  Whatever the reason I want them to respond appropriately So how does that happen? A few months ago I said I was going to focus more on giving the children responsib...