Finding the Joy
As the new year begins I have some things that I'm trying to change...I guess we'll call them resolutions. Sure...
I think resolutions in years past have given me a sense of things that I haven't accomplished or sustained. They give me a false sense of identity. I become fixated on what needs to be taken out of my life instead of what I should be pouring into my life. When I focus on what Christ wants for me and my family, then I focus more on his image in me. I was made in his image which means I have Him in me which means I can't be so bad...it means part of me is good.
One of the things I am focusing on this year will be slowing down and taking the time to enjoy the kids...those HARD moments with the kids. I realize how fortunate I am that Tim and I have made allowances for me to stay home. And I really have loved my young kids...oh I have loved it so. But as they get older and need more independence, I find myself having too many opinions and less joy. Before they needed me to make the decisions and were happy with the choices I gave them. They didn't have too much of an opinion or enough mind to know there were other ideas. In the midst of one of my morning rants to hustle, and be on time, and "you're not doing this right" moment, a thought struck me:
"What kind of kid do I want? A kid that just does every little thing I say and never has an original idea or a child that can be independent and take care of themselves one day?"
I mean, I do want them to obey, but I also want them to be self-sufficient. Because honestly, part of the not so joyful parts are having to do everything for everybody and trying to fix everyone's problems. Having to put on 3 peoples shoes or at least orchestrate the whole getting ready situation, and remind and refocus...REFOCUS...man if they could just STAY focused...what was I saying? Oh right! The whole getting out the door thing really can put a peaceful morning into the crapola bin. My struggle is not ample time...we have that...and the problem isn't being ill-prepared. We have had a joyous morning that's been great conversation, but it's the "everyone has their own idea of getting out the door routine and needs me for many parts of it." Also, trying to settle every disagreement with each other...I mean EVERY ONE HAS AN OPINION! I want them to take my ideas and have them be a foundation, but to also blossom into their own person and be successful.
That might be an inkling of how God feels with us. He made us in his image and wants us to choose to take his love and advice and use it to better ourselves and find the joy in being us! And He is there through it all. He gives us tons of support and ideas with His word, and with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and also in conversations with Him. He just wants us to love others, be joyful ourselves, and see us be successful. These are the same things I want for my children.
So I may be even MORE late to things than I was before and I may not be dressed appropriately (I mean I promise to have clothes on, but they may not be washed). My house may not be as clean and the dust might look like a 4 year old did it (because they did). However, in taking the time to show my children the jobs and let them figure out the tasks on their own without too much help from me is gonna take time...and lots of breaths...and buckets of encouragement. But in the long run, the kids will know how to cook for themselves, do the laundry, tie their own shoes, flush the toilet, clean up after themselves, go the extra mile to teach someone else, problem solve, and hopefully they will know how to be joyous through it all.
"Happy are those who find wisdom and those who gain understanding. Her profit is better than silver, and her gain better than gold." Proverbs 3:13-14
"No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety." Psalm 16:9
I will provide a safe, joyous, open minded place for my kids to explore and learn. And maybe their identity in Christ will be better solidified than mine.
So, today this happened.
And this took every bit of my breaths to not stand over him and tell him what to do. Usually, I tell him how to scoop the flour over the bowl and not make a mess. I micromanage everything which ends up with him feeling like his ideas are not valued. So, I took a different approach. I sat at our dinning room table right next to the kitchen and tried my best to just answer the questions he asked, or help him problem solve. There were a few times where I found myself rolling right back into my old role but quickly stepped out of the kitchen to my seat and pretended to read. I let him make his mess and let him be the one to clean up after himself...and you know what...he did ok.
I think resolutions in years past have given me a sense of things that I haven't accomplished or sustained. They give me a false sense of identity. I become fixated on what needs to be taken out of my life instead of what I should be pouring into my life. When I focus on what Christ wants for me and my family, then I focus more on his image in me. I was made in his image which means I have Him in me which means I can't be so bad...it means part of me is good.
One of the things I am focusing on this year will be slowing down and taking the time to enjoy the kids...those HARD moments with the kids. I realize how fortunate I am that Tim and I have made allowances for me to stay home. And I really have loved my young kids...oh I have loved it so. But as they get older and need more independence, I find myself having too many opinions and less joy. Before they needed me to make the decisions and were happy with the choices I gave them. They didn't have too much of an opinion or enough mind to know there were other ideas. In the midst of one of my morning rants to hustle, and be on time, and "you're not doing this right" moment, a thought struck me:
"What kind of kid do I want? A kid that just does every little thing I say and never has an original idea or a child that can be independent and take care of themselves one day?"
I mean, I do want them to obey, but I also want them to be self-sufficient. Because honestly, part of the not so joyful parts are having to do everything for everybody and trying to fix everyone's problems. Having to put on 3 peoples shoes or at least orchestrate the whole getting ready situation, and remind and refocus...REFOCUS...man if they could just STAY focused...what was I saying? Oh right! The whole getting out the door thing really can put a peaceful morning into the crapola bin. My struggle is not ample time...we have that...and the problem isn't being ill-prepared. We have had a joyous morning that's been great conversation, but it's the "everyone has their own idea of getting out the door routine and needs me for many parts of it." Also, trying to settle every disagreement with each other...I mean EVERY ONE HAS AN OPINION! I want them to take my ideas and have them be a foundation, but to also blossom into their own person and be successful.
That might be an inkling of how God feels with us. He made us in his image and wants us to choose to take his love and advice and use it to better ourselves and find the joy in being us! And He is there through it all. He gives us tons of support and ideas with His word, and with our brothers and sisters in Christ, and also in conversations with Him. He just wants us to love others, be joyful ourselves, and see us be successful. These are the same things I want for my children.
So I may be even MORE late to things than I was before and I may not be dressed appropriately (I mean I promise to have clothes on, but they may not be washed). My house may not be as clean and the dust might look like a 4 year old did it (because they did). However, in taking the time to show my children the jobs and let them figure out the tasks on their own without too much help from me is gonna take time...and lots of breaths...and buckets of encouragement. But in the long run, the kids will know how to cook for themselves, do the laundry, tie their own shoes, flush the toilet, clean up after themselves, go the extra mile to teach someone else, problem solve, and hopefully they will know how to be joyous through it all.
"Happy are those who find wisdom and those who gain understanding. Her profit is better than silver, and her gain better than gold." Proverbs 3:13-14
"No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice. My body rests in safety." Psalm 16:9
I will provide a safe, joyous, open minded place for my kids to explore and learn. And maybe their identity in Christ will be better solidified than mine.
So, today this happened.
What did he make?
ReplyDeleteGood for you!!! I needed to hear this today, and every day. I have been thinking the same things, however had had little success in actually letting them do.
Love you!
Haha! Some kind of "cake" with sprinkles. He says, "I don't know what I'm making till it's baked."
DeleteIt's a Buuuundt ceeeck!!!
You're so lucky Elly to be able to stay home with your babies. I loved my time at home with you all although I had more time at home with your older siblings. My house wasn't clean and my clothes weren't thought about too much every day but, I think, we enjoyed our time
ReplyDelete