There She Goes

This woman and I have parted ways before… 

• The first time she was gone for a week at camp. 
• When she left for college. 
• When she moved out of our apartment and married her husband (how dare she). 
• When I moved to New Jersey 
• the countless vacations she dare to take without me. 

Each time I am sad. I deal with my sadness in many ways but more than likely my sadness moves with tears. Tears as I sit and think about the countless ways she has supported me most recently and pretty much all my life. Tears of the fun adventures we have been on and now take our families along too. Tears of the times I dared be upset with her. Tears of how she is ALWAYS putting other people before herself. I can’t even remember the last time she said, “no! That’s a bad idea.” to me because she is always along for the shenanigans. 

She is just lovely. 

 

She is leaving me again. And the tears are rolling. They have been rolling for weeks. It stings a little harder because of course she and her husband have produced two of the best best humans on earth and they have blessed my heart. Not only my heart, but that of my children’s and husband’s hearts. All four of them have influenced us and loved on us in extravagant ways. From watching each other’s children for date nights and out of town grownup trips. To keeping children when new children are brought into the world. To being each other’s moving company.  To being at every single birthday party and important date for our kids. And of course attending sporting events and cheering them on. 

I am going to miss her and her brood tremendously. But I know it’ll all be ok. Ok because the time we have spent together has tethered us. This is not an I’d better spend as much time with her because we’ve missed opportunities. Because we’ve taken ALL the opportunities when they’ve approached. We’ve said yes and done the loving and living together. 

And this surely isn’t goodbye. As so much of our family is distant in proximity, it’s easier now more than ever to stay connected. When you DO life with people it’s easy to stay connected. But when others are doing life afar it takes more intentional planning. 

A few nights ago I dropped off her boys after spending all day with them. I turned on my headlights as I started the car and remembered a moment when Tim and I had moved to New Jersey. My car died on a busy road and an angry mailman yelled at me. Tim was across the sea on his first trip for work - crazy to think that 15 years ago I couldn’t just call him up or text him and get a quick response. Emma sat on the phone with me and helped me problem solve and adult a little better through tears. As much as I wanted her to drive from Cincinnati to Jersey to help me, she helped me through the phone. She helped me gather myself, told me to call AAA and stayed on the phone as long as I needed her to. 

It was in the moment of that memory that I knew we are gonna be ok! The connection will stay and doing life afar will also happen because we’ve made roots. So many people relocate for many reasons. For jobs, for family, for a new adventure, for new atmosphere, for education, for finding more about themselves...for so many reasons. My sister, moving away. She is so similar to me, and yet so very different. I am sad of course to be distanced from her because of the space she takes up, a special place, in my heart. But she's not GONE from this earth.  

I have been the one to leave before, and I can tell you, it is no easier - at least not for me - to be on either end.  But what I do know is that relationship like this last.  Even if time separates us, we will pick up where we left off…because your roots are in my garden. 

 

Emma, you have invested so much in our lives and in others that your roots grow down deep and strong in so many flowerbeds. In each of our gardens you leave a root behind...a deeper root.  Everyone you ever met has a little piece of you left in their garden because you have invested in their soil. Not just a little but a lot….

Which  means when you relocate your roots, you also are taking a bit of OUR dirt with you.  Because to know you is ALSO to invest in you.  You have all kinds of my dirt and I've got all kinds of your roots that I'm sure I'll be stumbling over daily.

It sure will be different but we’ve put in our time. I know we will make sure to keep each other at the forefront of thoughts, excitement, and troubles that we would share in person or over a phone call #marcopoloisthebestest

I’m so thankful my children have known a love like yours. And they KNOW a reciprocal love like no other from your children. Our kids saying goodbye to each other was quite possibly the biggest emotion I’ve felt of grief since I had to leave Cincy to live in Jersey. I asked Ben how big his feelings were, like if he held his hands out would it be bigger than his arms could stretch and his response was,

“I mean, it feels bigger than a bus and I definitely can’t wrap my hands around a bus!” In his world, that's a big feeling. And I'm feeling it too. I wanted to buy you something to say goodbye, but you don't need anymore knickknacks - you just purged every unnecessary thing. I found this the other day...

I hesitated to buy this because it also sounds a little like someone has passed away. This sign is beautiful, but I didn't feel like it fit the case because she is still here wherever here is.

As we process through our tears, I feel like God sheds layers of discomfort. If I sit in my sadness He meets me there when you are unable. He makes the shedding more doable. He doesn't tell me, "Stop crying," or ask, "Why are you even sad...they will be back soon?" He holds my hand and keeps me steady to know that, everything is figureoutable - I know that's not a word, but saw it on a candle and thought it was funny. So here is to everything figureoutable! I love you all and can't wait to hold your faces again, soon! 

We found these mugs when going through her cabinets purging out the riff-raff. There were two that matched in pattern but different in color. Emma realized these were from our grandparents, who loved coffee, a different mug for every day of the month, and conversations too. I'm excited to sit and drink coffee in our semi-matching mugs, thinking about all the fun things, reminiscing, and talking about hard stuff too.