let 'em flow
So, praying for people...
Sometimes I'm great at it and sometimes...not so much
I LOVE prayer and praying for others. The high that I get when God's words touch my lips so that he can bless someone is overwhelming. He needs communication from us and some of the most powerful prayer is surrounded by other believers. I love the feeling God gives me when the Holy Spirit enters a room and is helping guide prayer, and working on those receiving prayer. It just makes me happy inside.
Public prayer can make people so uncomfortable...including myself. Thoughts just flood my mind: should you close your eyes...should you open your eyes...what if I say something that offends someone...what if I don't say anything at all...should I touch this person...do they need a hug...should I stop praying...should I offer to pray...what if I cry...
and that last one...that's the one that gets me. Every. Single. Time.
I am a cryer. I cry about EVERYTHING! Happy, sad, surprised, angry, tired, joyful...you name it, I've cried about it. Many times I have felt that the crying has gotten in my way, that it's wrong, it's shameful. Maybe I should be in therapy to help me change this. The truth is, it has gotten in my way, but not because crying is wrong. But because I am ALWAYS trying to hold it back, apologizing for it, STOPPING IT FROM HAPPENING! And every time, I feel I have failed. I feel like I need a redo because I didn't say what I intended to say. And my crying gets uglier the more and more I try to fight the tears back. Prayer fail :( At least I tried.
A couple weeks ago my youngest was in the ER for some observation with a croupy cough. This was my first encounter as a mother in the ER, so I was scared. The doctor told me my son would probably need to be admitted overnight for more observation. As he turned the knob to leave I could only feel this overwhelming sense of love for my child and it began...the tears and praying and crying and praying...and no one was in the room, which meant I didn't need to hold back the tears. My prayers were clear and I felt the Holy Spirit helping me...seeing me...helping my son. A few looooooong minutes later the doctor came back in with another doctor to look him over. Even though I wasn't crying anymore, they could tell I had been upset. The doctor checked him out and I'm not sure why, but he sounded just fine and they gave us the go ahead to go home...wait, what? CRAZY! They just told me that he would need to stay and now, we can go home? Amazing! And crying commenced, again :) As the doctors stood there staring at me I began apologizing to them for crying and they in turn reassuring me it was okay to cry. As I left I felt ashamed for crying and silly.
A few afternoons later, I was spending some time with God on a Bible study on His love covering 1, 2, & 3rd John. I needed to read 1John 3:19-24...and wow something just jumped off the page and into my heart:
19 This is how we will know that we belong to the truth and reassure our hearts in God’s presence. 20 Even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things. 21 Dear friends, if our hearts don’t condemn us, we have confidence in relationship to God. 22 We receive whatever we ask from him because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. 23 This is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love each other as he commanded us. 24 The person who keeps his commandments remains in God and God remains in him; and this is how we know that he remains in us, because of the Spirit that he has given to us.
What a revelation to me! How I needed to hear this. I know I belong to God because of my love for others and my tears are only an overflow of his love...and what a gift of the Spirit he has given to me. He abides in me! Yes! He abides in me.
My tears are a gift and the more I fight them back the more I am focusing on myself and not what God has for the person receiving the prayer. My tears are the result of the Holy Spirit moving me and working in me and in the room. Focusing more on God should be my first priority. When I have those thoughts and questions as stated above, I am focusing on myself and pulling away from God. So, the crying won't stop, but hopefully the apologies will. Here's to more clarity among the tears.
May I only have more of Him and let those tears just flow...
Sometimes I'm great at it and sometimes...not so much
I LOVE prayer and praying for others. The high that I get when God's words touch my lips so that he can bless someone is overwhelming. He needs communication from us and some of the most powerful prayer is surrounded by other believers. I love the feeling God gives me when the Holy Spirit enters a room and is helping guide prayer, and working on those receiving prayer. It just makes me happy inside.
Public prayer can make people so uncomfortable...including myself. Thoughts just flood my mind: should you close your eyes...should you open your eyes...what if I say something that offends someone...what if I don't say anything at all...should I touch this person...do they need a hug...should I stop praying...should I offer to pray...what if I cry...
and that last one...that's the one that gets me. Every. Single. Time.
I am a cryer. I cry about EVERYTHING! Happy, sad, surprised, angry, tired, joyful...you name it, I've cried about it. Many times I have felt that the crying has gotten in my way, that it's wrong, it's shameful. Maybe I should be in therapy to help me change this. The truth is, it has gotten in my way, but not because crying is wrong. But because I am ALWAYS trying to hold it back, apologizing for it, STOPPING IT FROM HAPPENING! And every time, I feel I have failed. I feel like I need a redo because I didn't say what I intended to say. And my crying gets uglier the more and more I try to fight the tears back. Prayer fail :( At least I tried.
A couple weeks ago my youngest was in the ER for some observation with a croupy cough. This was my first encounter as a mother in the ER, so I was scared. The doctor told me my son would probably need to be admitted overnight for more observation. As he turned the knob to leave I could only feel this overwhelming sense of love for my child and it began...the tears and praying and crying and praying...and no one was in the room, which meant I didn't need to hold back the tears. My prayers were clear and I felt the Holy Spirit helping me...seeing me...helping my son. A few looooooong minutes later the doctor came back in with another doctor to look him over. Even though I wasn't crying anymore, they could tell I had been upset. The doctor checked him out and I'm not sure why, but he sounded just fine and they gave us the go ahead to go home...wait, what? CRAZY! They just told me that he would need to stay and now, we can go home? Amazing! And crying commenced, again :) As the doctors stood there staring at me I began apologizing to them for crying and they in turn reassuring me it was okay to cry. As I left I felt ashamed for crying and silly.
A few afternoons later, I was spending some time with God on a Bible study on His love covering 1, 2, & 3rd John. I needed to read 1John 3:19-24...and wow something just jumped off the page and into my heart:
19 This is how we will know that we belong to the truth and reassure our hearts in God’s presence. 20 Even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things. 21 Dear friends, if our hearts don’t condemn us, we have confidence in relationship to God. 22 We receive whatever we ask from him because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. 23 This is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love each other as he commanded us. 24 The person who keeps his commandments remains in God and God remains in him; and this is how we know that he remains in us, because of the Spirit that he has given to us.
What a revelation to me! How I needed to hear this. I know I belong to God because of my love for others and my tears are only an overflow of his love...and what a gift of the Spirit he has given to me. He abides in me! Yes! He abides in me.
My tears are a gift and the more I fight them back the more I am focusing on myself and not what God has for the person receiving the prayer. My tears are the result of the Holy Spirit moving me and working in me and in the room. Focusing more on God should be my first priority. When I have those thoughts and questions as stated above, I am focusing on myself and pulling away from God. So, the crying won't stop, but hopefully the apologies will. Here's to more clarity among the tears.
May I only have more of Him and let those tears just flow...
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