For The Love of All The Decisions

 I don't know about you, but my head is spent. 

It is spent because of all the decisions to be made per day are ridiculous. And for us outward processors that aren't processing with people face to face as much anymore...we don't even know how to communicate. A simple decision for me needs to be talked through thoroughly for all the possible outcomes before I can move forward.

Pray for my husband because he has shown his true strength with listening to all my decision making skills.  Poor man just sits there, says nothing except maybe the occasional "well," and listens to the dialogue I give back and forth to myself like I'm slapping him in the face. But he's ok.

When I am infiltrated with the abundance of pros and cons to be weighed, heaven help yourself if you are in the midst of that conversation, or monologue. I am so sorry to all my friends. Even the smallest of decisions requires careful deliberation.

And lately I feel like there is nothing but deliberation going on. And not for small things but for large decisions. Decisions to...

...see people or not.

...remote learn or not

...home school or not.

...attend that over crowded party.

...weigh whether the mask is really doing anything for me.

...read or workout.

...work or not work.

...not give a dang about the virus because "something is gonna getcha anyway."

...tablet time or family time.

...reach out to that mom or not.

...open my home to others who need assistance during the day with remote learning.

...have a cookie or not.

...have a drink or not.

...say no to commitments because you have loved the extra family time and want it to continue or say yes because get outta your bubble and homebody tendencies - and lets be honest we could all use some away time.

...to eat out because it is super easy or to make food from scratch because there is clearly no inbetween.

...to be part of a solution or sit quietly behind the scenes.

...get rid of all media or no way you fool.

...load Fortnite or give it some more time.

...to purposefully invite people different than me and my family over or stay in my bubble.

...to clicklist or pick out my own food. 

...make sure my kids are hanging out with 'good" children or not give a care.

...buy a houseplant or not because I am probably gonna kill it anyway.

...to start a new venture even though you feel qualified and assigned or not because no one wants to hear what you have to say even though you are fully equipped and qualified.

...to mop the floor or not (actually that's always a no).

These are just decisions I go through, ya know, within the hour. What am I looking for exactly? I'm looking for direction and for truth and for someone to TELL me what to do.

We are all inundated with decisions to make at this time. All of them carry weight. If I sit in the decisions that have to be made, I never really make any progress and all that is left is the weight. If I only choose to sit with my own thoughts, my thoughts leave me crumpled on the floor, until I remember the victory in truth.

When I talk "to myself," which I know a lot of you do - I'm laying it all out. God can hear my thoughts, but I think actually speaking them out loud takes the weight off and releases it to him! In my processing it becomes like old hat; a pattern that only one close to you would pick up on and know when to step in and help. When I get overwhelmed, I talk out loud to God. All the uncertainty slowly unravels because as I speak out to God and hand him my dilemmas, I am more prone to press in to truth. In my unraveling I hand him my drama, my worry, my unnecessary words, and I process in truth.

Truth where only truth can come from. Truth that is constant and rock solid. Truth that grounds me and takes me out of my whirlwind of thoughts. Truth from the promises that have been rooted deep into my heart.

Not truth from media. And not truth from my human emotions because if I am left to make decision only based off of emotions - I am not destined for greatness but destruction. We need truth from the source.

Author, Lisa Bevere, writes in her book Adamant

Without truth, we are like ships without rudders, driven by every wind of doctrine and whim of emotion, which cannot help but drive us to the brink of destruction. As we pursue truth, it will have its way with us. Truth is not a "what," it is a "who."

I'm not sure about you, but I feel like we have huge barges ramming into each other because they have lost their rudder and have lost all capacity for direction. We have to be able to filter through the noise and find the truth. And the only way to do that is with discernment. And not discernment of who is right and wrong but discernment of whether or not this holds true to God's motive for love. God loves us unconditionally and hates NONE of us.  But I guarantee he's disappointed with a lot of us. Mostly disappointed because just as our children react out of emotion, and fear, some of us are as well. Before we react we, as a society, have to take it to the highest measure and see if it is true, and honorable, and right. And if it isn't aligned with God then we need to find a different solution. Each of our decisions need to be carefully weighed, and processed before acting. Not to mention speaking out when we see truth being manipulated, and complete disregard for God's beautiful creations.

As I spoke before about how I talk to myself (I'm not crazy, I just have a lot of words)...as I lay down all the decisions and worry it is as if those things become not so big.  They become mediocre and the answers become simple. This year has made us most divisive in all manners; proximity, connection, politics, character, etc. We have to come together and filter out the fake news. Tristan Harris, former design ethicist at Google said in a recent documentary,

If we can't navigate what is true, then we can't navigate out of any of our problems.

I think it will be awhile before we make it out of wreckage, but the only way out is for some light to be shed on the course. Instead of being distracted by the problems let's find the truth and make some decisions. Decisions that stand up for truth.

 

from Lisa Bevere's Adamant