dining with the finest

My kids eat pretty well at home - I mean if the stars align, there is a possibility that everyone will remain in their chairs and that gravity won't work against them, finding their bottoms on the floor once again. Or the reminders to "Take another bite" will be minuscule...but all in all, they eat and they sit at the table and they come back to do this about 5 times a day.

So naturally I think "I just don't feel like cleaning up another mess today," or "I'm tired of packing 4 lunches...let's go out"

But eating out with these fine humans is a whole other ballgame...a game I enter with prayers that THIS time we enter into this restaurant will end differently than the time before...

and ALMOST every single time I am reminded that I was wrong. I am fully reminded of why we don't take our three out to eat unless the whole dining experience can take less than 45 minutes from sitting to standing. It's like dipping your toe in ice cold water on a hot day - looks like a good idea, but you could sustain serious brain damage if you proceed...

So below you will find statements made by either parent or child whilst eating out with your finest human beings...

"Stay out of his space...


"Did anyone even wash their hands?"

"WooHOO! Mom & Kids night out!" - high fives other mom who also fell into the same game.

"Let's not lick the table, I know you are hungry but common - there's not even protein in that."

"WHO are you talking to!?!?! You are not carp! One person speaks at a time, otherwise you get no food!"

"PLEASE! Did you say PLEASE?!?!"

"I caaaaaan't cuuuuuuut my spaghettiiiiiii!!!!!"

"Let us visit the bathroom for the THIRD time in 20 minutes."

"What in the world possessed you to stab your styrofoam cup of lemonade with your fork? IT'S NOT ALIVE!"

"Let's take a bite."

"WHOA! where'd (child's name that has slipped under the table again) go?"

bam! bam! bam! "Our silverware is for eating not for drumming."

"Can we save the rock-band songs and serenades for the car ride?"

"So you like salt and pepper on your hotdog - huh?"

"Should we move to a table so that you are not so tempted to trampoline on the bench?"

"Those people are eating - they do not want to be poked by you."

"Why did you throw all of those crackers behind you?"

"Please take another bite"

"Can we have another straw? There seems to be an aggressive sipper."

"Are there more napkins in the building, because we've used all the ones from this table and the next."

"TREEEEEEAT?!?!"

"Please remove yourself from the floor - and no you cannot eat with that fork now."

"Why didn't you eat the extra quesadilla you begged for? You owe me $5."

"Ok - child who speaks too much and takes after her mother - let's take another bite before your siblings revolt."

"NO! You cannot have a gumball - what in the world makes you think you can have fun?!?"

 
And then other times, they can be perfect angels.  These my friends - these are the times you remember and they trick you into thinking it's a good idea.

For these times, I recommend dining somewhere with quick service, outside, with a friend, and plenty of space to run, along with a side-show if possible.

But hey, Cheers! Because every once in awhile the little angels deserve a treat and mom deserves a different kind of atmosphere, so you venture out - happy dining!