The Mothership

I sit here on Father's Day alone with the kids.  Even though I've already celebrated with all the Dad's closest to me, I won't see any today. And they still love me and I know it.  There are many a great men in my life, but there are three that have stood the test of time.  All three are strangely similar and yet differ in many ways.  This would be my Father, my Husband, and my Father-In-Law. These three are all similar in one wonderful way: they are all men of God.  Warriors for us and for our hearts.  Loving us in Truth unconditionally.  I realize today how blessed I am.  Each one of these men follows God with their utmost.  These men consider God before all things.  They exhibit some of the same wonderful characteristics as our heavenly Father.  Each one of these men has lead me to be closer to God in some way, and continue to do so. Above all the mistakes I have made or they have made, this is the most important part of them...

I was supposed to have surgery today... but God had bigger plans for me.  Bigger plans than I could have ever dreamed. They always say healing happens, and when it happens it is usually not just for physical healing but for some kind of transformation...well, He's been working on more than my wrist. About a year ago I tore cartilage in my wrist...opening salsa...I know, true story.  Who does that ?  Anyway, it became so painful that I went to a doctor and after a few tests decided that surgery was the next step.  The doctor left it up to me as to when I should have surgery...having an 18 month old and surgery don't really mix.  So I waited...talked to God a bit...waited... and the pain increased. I could no longer do a push-up, open a can of beans, garden, clean the house, shake an inhaler for my son, lift my toddler into his car seat, crab-walk across a gym, pretend to be a horse for my kids to ride, sleep through the night without waking in pain...on a...

I've been convicted.  My heart needs a change.  At times, this mothering thing is more difficult than I would have ever thought.  I hate looking back on things and having regrets...and I indeed can think of many times when I have reacted in a way that brings me a feeling of regret.  None of them are some huge, tragic incident that deems this horrific display of parenting.  It's just the day-to-day simple life happenings - which shouldn't get me in such a tizzy - and yet I'm afraid that my children are going to remember me for these reactions instead of a graceful, patient, and merciful mom.  I can be better. I read a blog post on Momastery and she wrote about "Mompetition".  Moms performing and doing amazing things with their child, posting about it on Facebook, and her sarcastically saying that these moms are clearly doing all these things AT HER. Exercising...AT HER, cooking fabulous meals...AT HER...epic birthday parties...AT HER, breast/bottle f...

It's happened.  One more of a great generation has died.  My Julio. So precious to me.  So many people can affectionately call him "My Julio."  That's how awesome he was.  I feel especially sad because such a huge part of my youth is forever gone.  No more memories to be made with him.  But how fortunate I am to have as many memories as I do!  He was the true "American Dream."  And such a wonderful man for so many reasons that he left a legacy. Everything he did, he did with intensity and correctness. Julio was awesome because... he came from another country and became very successful...against all odds. found THE BEST wife God could have ever made for him. he would help just about anybody. he put 22 people through college. he kept me every weekend. he did the best "run under the swing". every time I saw him he told me how beautiful I was. he knew how to feed the geese and even call to them. he could summon a whole neighborh...

So, praying for people... Sometimes I'm great at it and sometimes...not so much I LOVE prayer and praying for others.  The high that I get when God's words touch my lips so that he can bless someone is overwhelming.  He needs communication from us and some of the most powerful prayer is surrounded by other believers.  I love the feeling God gives me when the Holy Spirit enters a room and is helping guide prayer, and working on those receiving prayer.  It just makes me happy inside. Public prayer can make people so uncomfortable...including myself. Thoughts just flood my mind: should you close your eyes...should you open your eyes...what if I say something that offends someone...what if I don't say anything at all...should I touch this person...do they need a hug...should I stop praying...should I offer to pray...what if I cry... and that last one...that's the one that gets me.  Every.  Single.  Time. I am a cryer.  I cry about EVERYTHING!...

Ingredients:  2 (14 oz) cans Black Beans, drained 1 (14 oz) can kidney beans, drained 1 (14 oz) can corn, drained 1 (14 oz) can of Mexican stewed tomatoes 1 (14 oz) can of Diced tomatoes 1-2 Tablespoons of chilli powder 1/2 Tablespoon of garlic 1 chopped onion 4 chopped green onions *1 can of extra water* serve with shredded cheese, sour cream, and chopped cilantro and corn bread:)   combine all ingredients into slow coooker.  I usually fill one of the cans that I emptied with water and pour it over top for the extra water.  Stir together.  Cook on high 5 hours. Serve with shredded cheese, sour cream or cilantro as options.  I usually make cornbread to go along with this. **you can also do this in a pot on the stove. Just sauté onion and garlic first then add all the other ingredients. Bring to a boil then turn down to a simmer covered for 30 minutes or longer:) sometimes I start this at naptime and it simmers all afternoon. 

To my friend at the play date.... ...I am so sorry that I never get a chance to be fully present.  We used to be able to talk about everything, each taking our own turn at giving advice and taking it.  Now, our lives are different with these beautiful little ones consuming each and every happy and sad moment.  But within each moment are small moments that can still be filled... ....please don't stop telling me your stories.  Funny, sad, embarrassing, I want to hear it!  Even though we have been interrupted for the uptenth time, I REALLY want to hear it.  One thing that makes me so sad after a play date is how many stories I realized were just left hanging and I didn't get each important tidbit.  So please, don't stop telling the story because I REALLY want to hear it.  I want to know what is going on with you. ...I apologize for texting you one million questions right after seeing you.  But yet again, those little gems interrupted us wi...