My sweet

It is amazing how God makes himself known and quite boldly.

Recently, I have had a hard time disciplining Luke and then feeling VERY guilty about how I handled each situation.  I also have been struggling with the want to CHANGE Luke's aggressive behavior and sometimes only seeing the "bad" things he does instead of focusing on what Luke does well.  This is another side-effect of being a people pleaser.  I have been praying for many weeks now that I have more peace and understanding of how to handle Luke and love his heart just the way it is, and of course to have more patience (I mean, what parent DOESN'T pray for more patience).

I read a quote the other day saying, "Don't try so hard to fix your kid and forget that you already have a good one."  I believe God put that there for me to see because right after reading that some things in the house have changed...now, everything is not hunky-dory, but I am beginning to see Luke in a new light.

Luke is of my blood and I love him deeply.  He can be so sweet one minute and a tornado of emotions the next.  Luckily, this morning AND this evening, God gave me a glimpse of how loving he can be and that he does in fact have a good heart.

I was in the kitchen doing dishes and Carolyn was kinda whining because it was close to her nap time.  Luke was playing very nicely with his cars making large, loud, crashing noises.  As I stopped the rushing water and make my way over to the two of them, I realize Luke has stepped in just as a big brother does.  He rushes over to Carolyn and this is what follows:

Luke says, "No cry, Cece.  Twwwwinkle, Twwwinkle, widdel tar.  How my under what you arrrrrrre."  She looks up to him  with her big blue eyes and stares as if perplexed by his words, and yet kinda smiling.  He then takes her hands, one after the other, "Me hold Cece's hands." Then the two of them sit, holding hands, laughing and smiling, with each other for a good while.  She leans in to give him a kiss and a hug and he just giggles at the excitement. I think a tear just fell...

Later that evening he also, patiently, proudly, and lovingly shared a Popsicle with Carolyn!  He was sooo good with her and reading her cues, or more like yells, when she wanted more.  He was genuinely happy to do it.

These precious moments made it much easier to handle news from his preschool teacher that he is having problems hitting and pushing other children in school.  I appeared early for his pick-up at preschool  because Carolyn was asleep in the car.  As I am sitting in the parking lot, I notice his class is coming out to play with the cars/bikes.  I watch as he listens to the teachers and seems to be following directions.  As soon as he gets a chance though, he is ramming his bike, multiple times, into the backs of two other kid's cars.  OH, and at another point he was also slapping another child, lightly, but still made me want to jump out of the car.  All of my "helicopter parenting" instincts told me to, but I also needed to finish checking Facebook...

I'm glad God gave me the two glimpses of why, "Children are a gift from the Lord."  I pray he continues to help me see the true heart of Luke and that it be a sweet one;)