The Mothership

I am a planner. I love making lists and I LOVE a good spreadsheet with colors and attributes. I love order. Until I don’t.  The order helps bring the peace. But does it really? I think it helps me compartmentalize my day and my skills of organization are fantastic tools to be utilized. But at some point, even the most organized feel distracted and out of control. While my organizing is a gift from the lord, it can also be a crutch. My need to organize leaves me crooked, in pain and in despair, whilst distracted. My need to organize can sweep out the peace from an otherwise lovely spontaneous moment. It can look overbearing. It can make people feel as if I see them as inferior even though I didn’t come with that intent. My need to be organized can make me not organized. And when I am feeling stuck in the muck I have made, I have a choice:  I can look to where God is leading me or  I can look to where I am leading myself.   More than likely one s...

 I don't know about you, but my head is spent.  It is spent because of all the decisions to be made per day are ridiculous. And for us outward processors that aren't processing with people face to face as much anymore...we don't even know how to communicate. A simple decision for me needs to be talked through thoroughly for all the possible outcomes before I can move forward. Pray for my husband because he has shown his true strength with listening to all my decision making skills.  Poor man just sits there, says nothing except maybe the occasional "well," and listens to the dialogue I give back and forth to myself like I'm slapping him in the face. But he's ok. When I am infiltrated with the abundance of pros and cons to be weighed, heaven help yourself if you are in the midst of that conversation, or monologue. I am so sorry to all my friends. Even the smallest of decisions requires careful deliberation. And lately I feel like there is nothing but delibe...