Looking for Breath

No one feels safe alone in their mind. There is not an ounce of quiet. The hiding seems like the default coping mechanism and in that the false narratives are drawn. Relationships seem farther away, and you’re not even sure if the reach of your fingertips is worth the strength to muster, because what if rejection is the echo back. Plenty of darkness surrounds like the fog of smoke, effortlessly trying to slowly envelop each part of your mind, body, and spirit into a world of worry. What has happened? You’ve known peace, you’ve known contentment, and you’ve been made new. However, the threat of sinking still surrounds. 

Until…

You look up. And with a slight breath of Yaaahhh-weeeeh, you are filled with peace. You can’t stop with one breath because it’s like you are bobbing at sea just waiting to be taken under. It needs to be a series of perpetual intentional breaths. In those moments is where we have a choice. We have a choice to succumb to the consequences of drowning. Or we have a choice to take in the deep breaths of Him. 
This world will completely enfold you if you let it. It will take away your purpose and calling just with one little lie. “This is too much. You can’t do it. Why bother?” But Jesus already dove into the water to bring you up, so the feeling of bobbing leaves you. Standing on Him and the breaths that he freely gives without any false narrative is the love of Jesus. When doubt creeps in to steal your purpose, the past evidence of breath and the recalling of his name is what brings you up. 

The women who arrived at the empty tomb were looking for that breath. They were grieving the loss of the support beneath them. The breath that showed them love and favor when no one else would. I can only imagine they traveled to the tomb together, in silence and frustration and worry. But they still made the trek to be faithful to his calling. They had known pure and holy love and didn’t want to part from it, even though the darkness surrounded them. They were looking to a God they know is good even in a circumstance that seemed completely out of their control. Luckily for them it was out of their control and good plans were in the hands of the Father. In their persistence they found joy and emotions and grief all at the same time. And in their persistence is where they mark a portion of their story in the kingdom of Heaven. These two women made the walk to the feet of the father in the midst of the fog when others would likely say, “why even bother, he is dead.” They had a yearning and in their yearning God used them for a purpose among many others in their journey. When the road seems long or it seems like you can’t catch your breath, one repetitive look to the father and you’ll find your footing. You’ll find your breath. You’ll be able to run the race. Just keep looking to him and the dust will settle, the waves will calm, and the peace will infill. 

I think something else to note about the women, is they weren’t alone. You can’t do this life alone. It might seem safe in the hiding, but that only pushes you further, deeper into the muck. Without someone else to say “you want to come with me?” there is little hope in remembering the intentional steps. We are not called to walk this life alone. Neither of the women knew what they would find, but what made them come together? When we invite others into our grief or share our thoughts, or invite them along a walk that is filled with uncertainty, we are intentionally building on the relationship and love that Jesus had in mind for his community. Alone, and no one might have listened. Together those women shared a remarkable moment and the joy in doing it together was likely a miraculous event in and of itself?! If you were headed to a tomb that was guarded by Roman’s, would you want anyone else to know you were planning to come? I bet it was because of relationship they decided to come together. Who is the person you can call on to walk into possibly hostile situations and know you are safe because they too have the desire to do what God wants and not what the world wants? Who is someone you can confide in? Who is someone you can “cause trouble” with for all the right reasons? Who is someone that says, “count me in” when you say I’m going for a walk that might have pain at the end? Who is someone you KNOW wants what Jesus wants for you and will pray and go to any cost to help make that happen? Who is your accomplice for good? Whoever they are, make sure you are sharing your God given ideas and trials with them. Because God likely has something good in mind for the two of you in your walk. It’s likely the joy and peace on the other side of the turmoil in your mind or the grief and tension in your space. 
This morning, as I sat reading about the women at the tomb in Matthew 28, I felt like I could hear their audible breath when the angel said, “Don’t be afraid!” Because they were taken aback and yet never to remain the same again.