From one crier to another

Everyone has them...

Some show them more than others...

Some show more of them than others...

Emotions...I have them big and small...and for all the days.

Some people process their emotions in different ways - silence, yelling, tantrums, and the most common for me...TEARS.  Big fat ones all the time stroll down my face for happy, sad, compassion, joy, tired, hangry, exhausted, hormonal, angry, embarrassed, scared, nervous, or just processing life...

All of these emotions bring the same result...TEARS

And you know what, I don't think I'm worse for wear because of them; my tears or my emotions.  I hear from my old self and others, apologies for tears. Apologies for emotions.  And I'm not sure that's the appropriate response. Since when do I need to apologize for the way I feel? Everyone feels differently and it manifests in everyone differently.  It's what we do with the emotions, how we react, that warrant an apology.  

I believe a lot of us are conditioned to think when someone is crying they are sad or something is wrong or they are overly emotional and we don't want them to feel that way. Just like when a baby cries...I don't want them to cry and it's giving me a sign that I need to check-in and figure out why. But what in the world makes the crier feel as if they need to apologize for crying?!?! I haven't hurt you, I haven't done anything to you, I'm just processing. 

Apologies are left empty when they are pitiful and only about yourself and not how your reaction made the other person feel.  God has given me a heart to feel his emotions. And I think it's what we do with the emotions that is important.

Each one of my children are moved to tears for all the emotions mentioned above (the teenage years are going to be a wet place in the Thielen household...bring your galoshes and paddles).

One cried during "How to Train Your Dragon 2" when the baby is taken away from the mommy.
One cried during "The Sword in the Stone" when the boy squirrel didn't love the girl squirrel and the girl squirrel was just trying to love him.
One cried during "Peter Rabbit" because their burrow was blown-up and now they had nowhere to live.
Another cried because they hadn't seen a friend in awhile.
Another cried because a friend from school is moving away and to not such a nice home.
Another cried because I took his tablet away after playing on it for an hour - or 2.

All kidding aside, I think it's a piece of my heart, Tim's heart and God's heart that my children feel this way.  But I think it is how we respond to the crier that gives them the feeling they should apologize for crying. From a criers perspective:

If crying is fluffed off it makes them feel as if the crying was unnecessary.
If a big deal is made about it, it makes them feel in the spotlight and can encourage overemotional/dramatics to be just that all the time (which isn't necessarily healthy).
If we annoyingly say, "WHY ARE YOU CRYING AGAIN?!?!" that just isn't ok and maybe you just shouldn't say anything.

But because my children have this reaction it is my responsiblity to model how to appropriately channel this emotion.  Eventually the crying stops. It is alright to cry, but we can't just stay there in the crying.  We cry. We process. We move forward. It's my responsibility to show them the emotion isn't about them, but is a catapult to looking to God for guidance and see what he's saying to them.

Christ has made his home in my heart (Eph3:17-19).  Which means emotions are good because what flows from my heart is what God has placed in my heart. God is emotional. But his emotions are not circumstantial. It is how we react to the emotions.  They can move us to show God's love to someone instead of turning inward and saying, "poor me" or "this emotion is all about me". Emotions can also take someone down a dark path of destruction if they aren't looking to God for why they are feeling the emotion.

Sometimes I cry in the most awkward of situations and I have no idea why and I'm not trying to make it about me. It's just what happens. It's like I have no control. So I just cry because if I try to fight it, it just makes it worse.

So to all those who do not process through tears, let's just come up to those in a quiet place and say nothing except maybe "You ok?" and give them a hug if they are a hugger.

To all the criers, I say cry, it's appropriate, and most definitely alright, - but come out of it and see why you had the emotion. Don't make the crying about you. Just do your business and after you're done move forward. After you figure out why you had it, move on.