Missing her
My grandma and I were very close. In fact we didn't even call her Grandma, we called her "Bobbie." Every weekend, two of the five of us would spend the night with her. Somehow I was special...I spent almost EVERY weekend with her. I LOVED my Bobbie and couldn't do most things without her. I don't think a day, or maybe two, would go by without talking to her.
I remember...
...how she would let me put on makeup and nail polish. On the way home on Sunday mornings, I would be peeling off the nail polish so my parents wouldn't know. It was just between us.
...how she would feed us grapes and soup in the bathtub. And after the bath, use all her fancy powder brushes to powder our bodies. Plus the feeling of the nice, warm, night gowns that she would heat up in the dryer for us.
...her taking me to the beauty parlor every Saturday morning to sit and talk with the older ladies while Bobbie "got her hair done."
...watching Touched By an Angel and Dr.Quinn, Medicine Woman with her every Friday/Saturday night.
...watching Jeopardy with her and thinking she was the smartest woman I would ever know and if she went on the show she'd really "clean up."
...her teaching me how to make pecan pie, or just cook in general. She was always willing to "let me do it" when she was cooking. I learned many tricks from her!
...how she would pick me up from school in the 7th grade and there would be a snickers waiting for me in the car (which was the start of a terrible weight gain).
...how she loved me. Not just plainly, but in every sense of the word. Patiently, kindly, unconditionally...(well, a little boastfully).
We had a connection. One that I pray many people are able to make with another human being. She and I loved each other as God has told us to love each other. Even with all our faults, neither of us could do wrong in each others eyes. Every moment I spent with her was to the fullest. I never have ANY regrets about how much time we spent together.
She passed when I was a sophomore in college, 2002 in October. It was by far one of the HARDEST quarters of my life. She had leukemia. She was diagnosed in May of 2002. We thought she had beat it by July 2002 and then things took a unexpected turn for the worse the end of September 2002. She spent 3 grueling weeks in the hospital until she passed peacfully in October 2002.
We all took turns spending time at the hospital. I even made her a quilt and spent the night a few times. In September when she went back in, I think I knew deep down that these would be her last days with us. Something greater was preparing me. Every time I visited she tried to shove money at me "one last time" telling me I should buy something. It all seemed so silly, but I always took it and never belittled her attempts at trying to care for us all from afar.
One night, she took a turn for the worse and had a type of stroke. She couldn't talk anymore. I really just wanted to hear her voice one last time, but it was not to be. After her stroke, we all spent even more time at the hospital. We were all desperately trying to soak up every last ounce of her that we could. I'll never forget when Emma and I were there together one afternoon and Bobbie seemed desperate to tell us something. We tried everything to figure out what she wanted. Her arms just kept making these big arm movements and we weren't sure if she was motioning to something she wanted or trying to sign something to us. It wasn't untill we both tried to lean in closer to see if she could muster some kind of sound that resembled a word that we realized what she wanted. As we leaned in, she gently put her arms lovingly around us and tried to hug us tightly. We both just stayed in her embrace as long as we could. Even in the end she was trying to comfort us.
The time came for the phone call I will never forget. I was working at Dad Thielen's office. My mother was on the other end of the line. "Elly, It's time to come up here. She doesn't have much time left." I was close with Bobbie, but my Mom was even closer. I am equally close with my mom and I can't even imagine how hard that phone call must have been to call me. Even though there was a patient to be seen, Tim's Dad excused himself when he heard my response to the phone call. He knew how close I was with Bobbie and that this would be a hard time for me. He grabbed me in his arms and I cried. I said, "I need to go. Is that ok?" OF COURSE it was ok and he thought I was silly for even asking. I cried the whole way to the hospital. When I got there, my mom, Julio, and Mandy were all there, and I think a Pastor too. I just remember that I sat at the foot of her bed, my sister too, holding Bobbie's warm hand and her soft smooth lotioned skin, saying a soft prayer and telling her how much I loved her. I'm so glad I was there when she slipped out of this world and into a new one with her creator. She went so pleasently and it gave me such closure to be there with her. Never have I ever had any guilty feeling for the time I did or didn't spend with her. Because I know I spent as much time as is healthy for a person, if not a little more.
Bobbie was from "the hills" of Kentucky and had such a down home feeling to her. I will never forget all the country music she listened to, but mainly Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash. I can't seem to listen to Patsy without crying, but something about Johnny just brings me to the point of missing her and reminising instead of complete breakdown.
I was cooking in the kitchen, listening to my Johnny Cash CD and all those memories of her flushed over me. I closed my eyes, lifted my head to the sky and said a quick prayer to myself. Tears slowly form in the crease of my eye, but happy, memory filled tears.
We also recently got together with her side of the family. There is nothing that makes me think of her more than my Great-Great Aunt Jackie. She is Bobbie's Aunt and is still alive and kicking at 92. Her voice and quick whit are everything of Bobbie and I hope I somehow get just a morsel of that personality because it is so warming, charming, and infectious.
I miss her...a lot...daily. She would LOVE my children and I am sure they would feel the same for her. She would hopefully be so proud of the job I'm doing as a mother. I only hope my kids, grand-kids, feel as loved by me as I always did by her.
love her...'nough said
I remember...
...how she would let me put on makeup and nail polish. On the way home on Sunday mornings, I would be peeling off the nail polish so my parents wouldn't know. It was just between us.
...how she would feed us grapes and soup in the bathtub. And after the bath, use all her fancy powder brushes to powder our bodies. Plus the feeling of the nice, warm, night gowns that she would heat up in the dryer for us.
...her taking me to the beauty parlor every Saturday morning to sit and talk with the older ladies while Bobbie "got her hair done."
...watching Touched By an Angel and Dr.Quinn, Medicine Woman with her every Friday/Saturday night.
...watching Jeopardy with her and thinking she was the smartest woman I would ever know and if she went on the show she'd really "clean up."
...her teaching me how to make pecan pie, or just cook in general. She was always willing to "let me do it" when she was cooking. I learned many tricks from her!
...how she would pick me up from school in the 7th grade and there would be a snickers waiting for me in the car (which was the start of a terrible weight gain).
...how she loved me. Not just plainly, but in every sense of the word. Patiently, kindly, unconditionally...(well, a little boastfully).
We had a connection. One that I pray many people are able to make with another human being. She and I loved each other as God has told us to love each other. Even with all our faults, neither of us could do wrong in each others eyes. Every moment I spent with her was to the fullest. I never have ANY regrets about how much time we spent together.
She passed when I was a sophomore in college, 2002 in October. It was by far one of the HARDEST quarters of my life. She had leukemia. She was diagnosed in May of 2002. We thought she had beat it by July 2002 and then things took a unexpected turn for the worse the end of September 2002. She spent 3 grueling weeks in the hospital until she passed peacfully in October 2002.
We all took turns spending time at the hospital. I even made her a quilt and spent the night a few times. In September when she went back in, I think I knew deep down that these would be her last days with us. Something greater was preparing me. Every time I visited she tried to shove money at me "one last time" telling me I should buy something. It all seemed so silly, but I always took it and never belittled her attempts at trying to care for us all from afar.
One night, she took a turn for the worse and had a type of stroke. She couldn't talk anymore. I really just wanted to hear her voice one last time, but it was not to be. After her stroke, we all spent even more time at the hospital. We were all desperately trying to soak up every last ounce of her that we could. I'll never forget when Emma and I were there together one afternoon and Bobbie seemed desperate to tell us something. We tried everything to figure out what she wanted. Her arms just kept making these big arm movements and we weren't sure if she was motioning to something she wanted or trying to sign something to us. It wasn't untill we both tried to lean in closer to see if she could muster some kind of sound that resembled a word that we realized what she wanted. As we leaned in, she gently put her arms lovingly around us and tried to hug us tightly. We both just stayed in her embrace as long as we could. Even in the end she was trying to comfort us.
The time came for the phone call I will never forget. I was working at Dad Thielen's office. My mother was on the other end of the line. "Elly, It's time to come up here. She doesn't have much time left." I was close with Bobbie, but my Mom was even closer. I am equally close with my mom and I can't even imagine how hard that phone call must have been to call me. Even though there was a patient to be seen, Tim's Dad excused himself when he heard my response to the phone call. He knew how close I was with Bobbie and that this would be a hard time for me. He grabbed me in his arms and I cried. I said, "I need to go. Is that ok?" OF COURSE it was ok and he thought I was silly for even asking. I cried the whole way to the hospital. When I got there, my mom, Julio, and Mandy were all there, and I think a Pastor too. I just remember that I sat at the foot of her bed, my sister too, holding Bobbie's warm hand and her soft smooth lotioned skin, saying a soft prayer and telling her how much I loved her. I'm so glad I was there when she slipped out of this world and into a new one with her creator. She went so pleasently and it gave me such closure to be there with her. Never have I ever had any guilty feeling for the time I did or didn't spend with her. Because I know I spent as much time as is healthy for a person, if not a little more.
Bobbie was from "the hills" of Kentucky and had such a down home feeling to her. I will never forget all the country music she listened to, but mainly Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash. I can't seem to listen to Patsy without crying, but something about Johnny just brings me to the point of missing her and reminising instead of complete breakdown.
I was cooking in the kitchen, listening to my Johnny Cash CD and all those memories of her flushed over me. I closed my eyes, lifted my head to the sky and said a quick prayer to myself. Tears slowly form in the crease of my eye, but happy, memory filled tears.
We also recently got together with her side of the family. There is nothing that makes me think of her more than my Great-Great Aunt Jackie. She is Bobbie's Aunt and is still alive and kicking at 92. Her voice and quick whit are everything of Bobbie and I hope I somehow get just a morsel of that personality because it is so warming, charming, and infectious.
I miss her...a lot...daily. She would LOVE my children and I am sure they would feel the same for her. She would hopefully be so proud of the job I'm doing as a mother. I only hope my kids, grand-kids, feel as loved by me as I always did by her.
love her...'nough said
In Mexico, one of the many vacations I took with Bobbie and Julio (cracks me up that she is fully clothed, in heals, on the beach...huge purse in hand)
One of the MANY Spanish functions we attended...loads of fun!!! There is that huge purse again
This was the last New Years Eve we spent together.
When Mandy was out here we talked about Bobbie a lot. It seems she has been on everyones mind lately. She would have been the bestest great grandma around :)
ReplyDeleteOh Elly. Bobbie would have been so proud of the mother that you are.
ReplyDelete