Moved with Compassion…or Maybe Anger…

Helping people is kinda my jam. I love helping people. Probably to the level of helicopterish. I am sure some have felt as if I have interfered with their space and taken over. Maybe even offended at the thought that they needed help. But, I can say it comes from the best part of me and I am a work in progress. If you are my friend or in my vicinity...you will be helped...whether you like it or not. JK - I have better boundaries now at my ripe old age of 38. But sometimes I CANNOT help myself at helping others and if you love me you'll take this trait and utilize it. If you aren't my friend, yet, then so sorry, steer clear.

All joking aside, I really do love helping others with the best of intentions and from the bottom of my heart, without trying to be weird about it. God has knit this trait so deeply in my being that he made the Acts of Service Love Language my least favorite of all the five. Just like any trait if it is stewarded well with boundaries it can be a release of compassion and love on many levels. But if delivered wrong can produce micromanaging, and a sense of control.

We recently took a ski trip to Pennsylvania. My kids have been skiing for a few years and can make it down some fairly tough terrain. They are not prodigies, but they enjoy skiing. 

 

My daughter gets hangry with the best of us. One early afternoon, we kept her out two runs too long. When you are nervous or cautious on a slope, you make wider, longer, turns across the slope and more of them. I was trying to encourage her because she had already skied this section more than once that week. But she was fully undone and inconsolable. There was no rational words I could have said. She would NOT turn down the slope and continued with "I cannot do it! You cannot make me! This is horrible and I just cannot TURN! I cannot DO IT!" She wanted help but also lacked all confidence and clarity in the moment. Let me say this...at the end of lunchtime she met me with these words "Mom, I'm sorry for what I said on the slope. I know I could have made it, but it just seemed too scary right then."

I wish I could tell you that I had the compassionate words she needed to hear. I wish I could tell you I did what Jesus did and met her where she needed me. But this was one of my not so fine parenting moments. 

I tried encouraging her. I tried telling her what she needed to do. I tried helping her. Her helplessness only made me angry! It made me angry that she would not help herself. I was standing there with the tools and words she needed, and yet she wasn't using them! After all my compassion fell short I became indignant. I finally said to her, "FINE! I have told and encouraged you every way I know how! I'm just going to wait here in the cold until you make the move yourself! There is NO other option!" She began talking to herself under her helmet, saying unhelpful things and glaring at me. 

She made her way down and once she was in a familiar space and could see the chair lift ...I left her. Bye Felicia. I was so angry that I left her. Angry because she didn't trust my instruction. Angry because she was so stubborn. Angry because she wouldn't take my HELP! I wanted to help her and she wouldn't let me. That chairlift we rode together back up to where lunch was calling, was colder than the air all around us.

 This is her yelling quietly under her helmet at me

In Mark1:41 a man with leprosy has just asked Jesus for healing "if he is willing" and in my translation his response reads:

Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. "I am willing," he said. "Be healed!"

In other translation it reads:

Jesus was indignant. He reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"

and yet another translation reads: moved with anger... 

and another:

being deeply moved with tender compassion...

I know there is controversy on how this is translated, but I can't get past that these are two VERY different movies playing in my head. Or are they?

In parenting, even with compassion I can be indignant and angered. But it is the compassion that propels me forward in the helping. To me Jesus could have embodied both! When my child is hurting or in danger, sometimes I come across angry, but the anger or annoyance has come from a place of compassion and not wanting them hurt or pained. Sometimes I am tender and my compassion is evident. Sometimes I am annoyed and my annoyance is evident, but the compassion is the driving force.

What I know is...she wasn't moving off that hill. And sometimes compassion is telling a hard truth, but not leaving the person. By supporting them in a way that can help them off the mountain quickly might be what they needed. For them to know you are there and possibly annoyed can sometimes push them out of their troubled spot. But the fact that you are there and that they know you love them, that's where the compassion stands true.

Now, the man with leprosy was ASKING for help. My children ask for help, or whine for help, but nonetheless help is what is needed. I need to remember that my compassion can be viewed as annoyed or tender. My guess is that for the annoyed compassion to be well recieved by the person asking for help, a relationship has to have been built on a solid, genuine connection. For me, I want those closest to me to view my compassion as tender. I want those that don't know me to most certainly see my compassion through tenderness and not annoyance. Through it all, I need to come with the understanding that compassion is the motivation behind the helping, not the reward of the helping.