To The Mother of The Strong-Willed Child...

I see you. I know you. You seem familiar and resemble someone I know. 

You are the woman holding her babe that seems happy in her arms with the invisible sleeping and attachment struggles from beneath the baby wearing garment. The woman who comes to the party, grimacing and half smiling because her little guy is pumeling everything in sight because he needs to. The woman who comes with the little one afraid to enter the crowd because it is too noisy or too much and all you want to do is socialize.  The woman who comes with a child that is over opinionated and remarks loudly to everything they process. The woman who so desperately wants to understand her child and would do anything to just “have an easy day.” I see your struggle, and your torment. And yet, somehow, I see your delight. 

You see the joy in your child. And you feel as if you’re the only one able to see. You ask yourself that question that seems to be on repeat, “Does anyone else see the struggle and yet the life inside this child? Or am I all alone?”

You look at your child and you love them so deeply and yet in the same breadth all you can say is, “I can’t breath.” You see how they are created, you see how intricately they fit together and yet can’t make out the big picture quite yet. 

All I can say to you dear lovely mother is KEEP BREATHING. 

Because it is in the breathing we find space. It is in the breathing we find the joy. It is here we notice those delicate intricacies of their personalities our father so gently placed. It’s in the breaths we find the answers to “what do I do?!?” The breath holds the air so that you are able to find the equipment to help guide your strong willed child - because by no means can it be your idea, it has to be theirs. The breath takes us to our next step. 

And those next steps lead to a probably larger set of stairs. You forever feel as if the climb has to surely be coming to the summit? And yet you cannot find it. It is here you find a plateau. You may rest for a bit but then you are on to the next ascent. 

A strong willed child will forever be that. But it is part of our destiny as mothers to help that strong willed child find their way - their purpose. Take those deep breaths so you can REALLY look into your child and see all they want to be. Take those breaths to focus in and call out the gold that lies deep within the mountain of the heart they hold on their sleeve. Inhale those deep breaths to forever cement the smell of their hair, the moment that was hard, and the summit you climbed in to your memories. 

Because I tell you...one day you will see them radiantly perched at the top of the mountain proud of whom they have become. They are ready to soar and there will be nothing holding them back. They will be fully equipped with your love, endurance, and guidance that has fashioned them into the leader they were meant to be. It doesn’t mean you stop breathing because now they are in control. And it definitely doesn’t mean you cease taking the breaths because you are still their mom. But it most definitely means you get to see the delight of their destiny. You get to see the fruit of all your pauses. Because as they take flight the liklihood that they are the leader of the flock is high and you realize that all along they were meant to lead and guide. Now you realize that because you took those breaths, and reestablished yourself over and over, THEY are prepared for the flight. And THEY are the leaders. 

I know you are exhausted and cannot see the big picture yet. But lovely, the end is coming sooner than you think. The canvas will have depth and be broad. But you are meant for this. Look back at the progress you’ve made. Don’t focus on the one failure from yesterday. Look waaaaay back and say, “Hey looky there! We aren’t stuck there anymore.” See your accomplishment, turn around, take a breath and get ready for the next ascent. 

To the mother with the strong willed child, more than likely you have a leader, because you are one. Be the leader that child needs - with boundaries, support, and consistency. I promise you, the days seem long but they are well worth it.

From a mother of a strong-willed child.