being more of a "yes" mom
I don't know about you, but I find myself saying "NO"...a lot to my children.
Why, in heaven's name, is this my first reaction?
Control. I think I've talked about this before. For whatever reason I revert to needing to control my child. I control out of fear. Fear of them misbehaving, fear of them being hurt, fear of them hurting someone, fear of being singled out, fear, fear fear. And I'm pretty sure my God does not operate out of fear. So then, why should I?
I find myself repeating and negotiating over and over. I do this so much that it seems the word "NO" has lost its meaning. Others say it, and it means so much more. I want my children to respond when I say no, whether it is because I am not feeling what is happening or for safety concerns. Whatever the reason I want them to respond appropriately
So how does that happen?
A few months ago I said I was going to focus more on giving the children responsibility and finding joy in that. I think along with responsibility needs to also come discussion. Loads of discussion and questions. When my kids ask me a question, instead of answering a flat out NO all the time, I should probably ask "why?" so I can better understand their motives. So that when I really want them to listen and obey to the word NO they feel validated and understood. Maybe if I take the time to listen to their points, maybe they will listen to mine. Usually, I want as soon as I say NO for that to be the final word. But in all honesty, I don't think I'm even listening to what they want. I'm just flippant with it, and not really respectful. When I had 3 under 3 there were a lot more no's because things just weren't safe and also could create a lot of other steps for things I didn't have time or energy to endure. But now that they are older, there can be more "YES!"'s.
I think I need to remember that they are older now and change my thinking. I need to stop being fearful.
Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
When I am abiding in HIM, the relationship with my children is wonderful. I talk more (but somehow with less words) and I speak with clarity. However, when I am not spending intentional time with God, I am not feeding my soul and bearing good fruit. I am often tired and not always able to get my morning time with God, but on the mornings I do, my days seem to be setup for fruit bearing.
"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
I need to put on my new self and work to put the good stuff in to keep the deceitful things out.
Now some things will always be no, like:
"Mom, can I pummel my brother?" NO
"Mom, can I color on my brother?" NO
"Mom, can I cut my hair?" NO
"Mom, can I sit on my sister?" NO
(even writing those out it was hard to not be extremely specific because everything can be an answer of why instead of NO)
But now some things will be a yes, or at least a why:
"Mom, can I wear my ninja costume to the grocery?" Sure
"Mom can I use the scissors?" Why
"Mom, can I go out in the snow in my pjs?" sure
"Mommy, we do snapchat?" Absolutely
"Mommy, let's play in the rain!" Sure
"Mommy, let's fly kites." Yeah!
"Mommy, can I take off my pants so I can run faster?" Suuuuuure.
"Mom, can I run with you?" Yes...even though I am going for a PR
It's just time to have fun and think more of my children as people and not little minions. I do want them to respect me and others. And When I do say no, understand that it's not up for debate and accept the decision. But in doing so, they feel I valued their opinions.
seeing the goodness
Why, in heaven's name, is this my first reaction?
Control. I think I've talked about this before. For whatever reason I revert to needing to control my child. I control out of fear. Fear of them misbehaving, fear of them being hurt, fear of them hurting someone, fear of being singled out, fear, fear fear. And I'm pretty sure my God does not operate out of fear. So then, why should I?
I find myself repeating and negotiating over and over. I do this so much that it seems the word "NO" has lost its meaning. Others say it, and it means so much more. I want my children to respond when I say no, whether it is because I am not feeling what is happening or for safety concerns. Whatever the reason I want them to respond appropriately
So how does that happen?
A few months ago I said I was going to focus more on giving the children responsibility and finding joy in that. I think along with responsibility needs to also come discussion. Loads of discussion and questions. When my kids ask me a question, instead of answering a flat out NO all the time, I should probably ask "why?" so I can better understand their motives. So that when I really want them to listen and obey to the word NO they feel validated and understood. Maybe if I take the time to listen to their points, maybe they will listen to mine. Usually, I want as soon as I say NO for that to be the final word. But in all honesty, I don't think I'm even listening to what they want. I'm just flippant with it, and not really respectful. When I had 3 under 3 there were a lot more no's because things just weren't safe and also could create a lot of other steps for things I didn't have time or energy to endure. But now that they are older, there can be more "YES!"'s.
I think I need to remember that they are older now and change my thinking. I need to stop being fearful.
Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
When I am abiding in HIM, the relationship with my children is wonderful. I talk more (but somehow with less words) and I speak with clarity. However, when I am not spending intentional time with God, I am not feeding my soul and bearing good fruit. I am often tired and not always able to get my morning time with God, but on the mornings I do, my days seem to be setup for fruit bearing.
"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24
I need to put on my new self and work to put the good stuff in to keep the deceitful things out.
Now some things will always be no, like:
"Mom, can I pummel my brother?" NO
"Mom, can I color on my brother?" NO
"Mom, can I cut my hair?" NO
"Mom, can I sit on my sister?" NO
(even writing those out it was hard to not be extremely specific because everything can be an answer of why instead of NO)
But now some things will be a yes, or at least a why:
"Mom, can I wear my ninja costume to the grocery?" Sure
"Mom can I use the scissors?" Why
"Mom, can I go out in the snow in my pjs?" sure
"Mommy, we do snapchat?" Absolutely
"Mommy, let's play in the rain!" Sure
"Mommy, let's fly kites." Yeah!
"Mommy, can I take off my pants so I can run faster?" Suuuuuure.
"Mom, can I run with you?" Yes...even though I am going for a PR
It's just time to have fun and think more of my children as people and not little minions. I do want them to respect me and others. And When I do say no, understand that it's not up for debate and accept the decision. But in doing so, they feel I valued their opinions.
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