Our First Job

Today, I walked into the grocery store, like many, many other Ohioans. They came to stock their fridge and pantry. And while I really needed eggs, and so did the twelve other people swarming the man restocking the eggs, I came to meander the aisles...really I did.  I came ready to fill my cart and take my time.  When I parked I found a space soon enough and expected to see plenty of people as I entered the doors.  But as the large automatic doors opened, I was overwhelmed with what was before my eyes. I grabbed my cart and as I passed through the large doors people were furiously scrubbing their carts for fear of contracting a droplet. I moved to the bananas and I heard a rude exchange between two individuals...over bananas. And you know what I saw written all over the faces of the employees, the shoppers, the PEOPLE...

panic...anxiety...worry...nearsightedness. 

It took me a minute to gain my bearings...I felt weird like I was in a movie where the actors thoughts and actions go in slow-mo and all you hear is the heart-beat. As I saw the angst in some people's eyes and heard the anger in some people's voices I was not moved to leave.  I stayed. I walked around looking to my "list" and yet also looking to connect with individuals.  And it was not easy.

When we are met with conflict in life we have some options.  But I can tell you, when I am met with fear and anxiousness, it can easily set in if I let it.  IF, I let the worry set in it can RUIN me. When I was younger, if I had been in the same situation I would have left after running straight to the back of the store and pushing through all the people to get what I wanted. And if that's what you did, then that's fine, that's ok. But it doesn't HAVE to be that way.  Instead of leaving, I filled my cart and every time I started to feel someone else's anxiousness I sang.  I sang quietly to myself ...loud enough at one point for a few to look at me, but I didn't care...because I am over 30 and am fully at the age where I don't care if I embarrass myself.

I sang over and over "You break down every wall, you watch the giants fall, fear cannot survive when we praise you!"

In the moment I don't KNOW if singing did anything for anyone else, But I know for myself, it brought me strength and a smile to my face. It gave me courage to help someone, to talk to someone who looked confused, to be patient with the cashier, to encourage the clicklist employee void of effort due to lack of goods, to diffuse an argument near the sharp cheese section.  Without singing I am not sure I would have stayed long enough to have those encounters.

I am not sure what these next few weeks are going to look like, but I know I have choices.  I can be free to talk to those around me and spend more time with neighbors.  To focus on our family and the values we care to instill in a crisis. And most importantly to look to my God in faith for encouragement and all the strengths.


What parent has said recently, "I have so much time...so much time, I don't know what to do with my extra time?!?!" NONE! Zilch...NADA! I am always lamenting that I have no time to pour into people like I'd like. Time to pour into my husband...my children, time to pour into friends...neighbors...strangers. But now...for the next 4 weeks - I HAVE TIME! I finally have time...because all the things have been canceled. 

And you know what, I will NOT let fear, or anxiety, or worry get in the way of this extra time.  I am going to claim the time I have to encounter people. To encounter those who are feeling less loved, who need a conversation, who need to be heard, who need a meal...who need TOILET PAPER. I am going to make myself open to others today and the next - and only because that's the epitome of unfailing love.  We don't leave in a crisis...and neither does God.  If anything HE is there before we even realize it.  Before you do anything, even stepping into your car, I urge you to talk with him and see what happens...just see.

Tonight, as I sat and colored with my youngest, he asked me what my job was...and I said, "Well, I do a lot of things but my most important is helping take care of you." And he said, "Mommy! That's everybody's first job...to take care of the peoples!" So in this time, let's do just that, let's help take care of the peoples.

Also, someone check on me and my daughter because we both clearly need humans.

And parents who need a timeline for while the kids are off...this is the plan I came up with for my survival of the fitest.  I'm sure the days Monday through Friday won't always look like this, but we have to aim high to make any kind of mark.

***the song I sang was not my own but by Brandon Lake and Matt Redmann