Beauty Behind the Rainstorm

My quiet morning begins with my subtle alarm. As I place my feet on the floor and smell the aroma of delayed brew coffee (BEST THING EVER) I can hear the pit-pat on the window as rain falls. To quote my friend's momma, "The weather is so appropriate for today." Bleak, gloomy, and just uninviting.

As I go about my morning routine of quiet time before the kids get up I reflect on Good Friday. I went through my devotionals they all intertwined somehow. Each devotional was different and only one was Easter themed. I usually read and bookmark verses that stand out to me and then after I read, I write down the verses and reflect.

As I begin that portion, little footsteps come down the hall...one by one.  My moment of solitude isn't so solitaire, but still sweet. After saying their good morning pleasantries, and doling out kisses and hugs because it's a new day, they each find their space on the couch...keeping a careful eye on the level of mommy's coffee...too high and it's too soon to converse. They find comfort in the snuggles of each other on the opposing couch. The devotionals are good and I feel centered but nothing crazy or super revelatory.

The time progresses and as I begin to reflect on the verses I also turn on music. Today's playlist was just a piano playlist that some robot compiles for me. My finger slips as I lay down my phone and instead of the beautiful wordless rendition of "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri, I hear her voice come on. This is not a worship song, but a sweet love song.

I look to my journal where I have written "Heaven and earth will disappear but my words will never disappear."  Mark 13:31

and then I hear these words from the song,

How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
And you know what I felt...I felt such awesome wonder of how much Good Friday means. His words will never disappear. Growing up in a church, and attending many Easter services,  the holidays can seem rote or traditional, and yet God finds a way to make things fresh when you are least expecting it.

As I sat there and just listened to the rest of the song, tears streaming down my face, I felt a little closer to understanding how much he loves us - not sure I will ever fully feel the weight, but I felt a little of how maybe his closest friends felt as he cried out, "It is finished"

I sat there and just imagined Jesus singing this song to me and as the words continued,
...all I heard was, "This is ME Elly - I have loved you for a thousand years and I will love you for a thousand more! And I have been searching your heart too and looked for you even before you knew I was looking! I did this for you...for all."

My kids bring me back to reality, "Mommy, are you crying again?" Yes, and this time my tears are filled with overwhelming gratitude, awe, and love! Sometimes, even with all my words, it is so hard to put into words the feelings I had that morning. But I can tell you, every time I hear that song, the same faithful love rises up in my heart. 

I want you to know this, if you are on the fence about Jesus, he still loves you and has also been looking for you, before you have even considered it.  This Easter season and every day and moment after, Jesus has died for you...to be loved better than any earthly person could even try. And SUNDAY IS COMING! This gloomy weather and feelings of helplessness...can all be replaced with love. I'm so glad I get to be on the other side and see the beauty behind the rainstorm.

Below is the link for the above mentioned song.

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