The ebbs and flow of life

Normal is relative...

Regular - to an extent - is relative...

Without context most circumstances are relative.

Before kids I was busy and tired.

After kids I'm busy and tired.

I don't think either was more or less tiring, it was just different times of my life and different energy was needed for what I was accomplishing for the day.

This can be said for my time with Jesus.

I have always wanted to spend time with him.  But my time availability is all relative.  And excuses can be made for each time of my life for not meeting with Him enough...but in reality, it's what I had energy for...and I think as long as you are pursuing Him, it is enough.  It is not a measured work of actions how much time you spend with Him.  Each person is different and each relationship with Jesus is unique.  Not everyone comes to him in the same way.  And I have not been able to always continue my routines whether they required more or less time. Change has been inevitable.

As a mom with an almost 2 yr old and an infant, guilt would creep in that I wasn't getting the meaningful, devoted, alone time with God that I used to get.  And also that my short prayers for others and myself were not deep enough...they were short and sweet, in the shower, baby crying on the bathroom floor in a bouncer and toddler trying to climb in, haphazard and spontaneous. They were not sat down in quiet reflection.

Guilt continued because I just didn't have the eye control or strength, to keep my eyelids open for ONE MORE minute to read a book that could teach me more about God or parenting my children in a Christ-like way.

Guilt that I wasn't waking up early enough to fit the time in because I just needed to hit the snooze button after waking twice last night due to a child peeing the bed or someone waking with a nightmare.

And you know what...enough is enough!

God meets us exactly where we are. And each person's experiences are different. God knows your heart and knows that you are longing for him.  It might just be that you have to figure out a new ebb and flow to your time with him.  But I think whatever you figure out, it can be life-giving. And God hears you and sees you no matter how much time you are able to carve out for him. But I don't think he wants you to carve time for him as a product of feeling guilty...but because you long to be with him. I think a negative emotion can push you towards something life-giving.  But the reason and how you go about it are whether the path you took was towards abiding in him or not.

I was in a pretty good rhythm of getting up before the kiddos to read a devotional and journal and sit with God for about 45 minutes every weekday morning. I kept it up regularly for about a year.  BUT, the past few months the kids have been waking up earlier than their normal time and they are not paying any attention to the clock and come out before their "ok to come out of the room" time - even though we have a fancy gadget to show them a green light for when they are allowed to come out.

Confession - I was getting MAD - like the opposite of what sitting with God's word and in his presence should do for you.  I was getting so frustrated that the time I had grown accustomed to was being interrupted. I was tired of this time being stolen from me and not being life-giving.  I'm trying to sit here at my table and experience God and it was being stolen.  I was fed up with it and decided something had to change! AGAIN!

I still get up at my normal time, and prepare myself, FIRST with coffee, and then to sit with HIM.  Only now, instead of pushing the kids away from me I invite them also to sit with me and journal/draw/read but that this time is for quiet - not for breakfast - breakfast can wait till 7.  One of my major goals here on earth is to give my children as many opportunities to experience God.  Now they don't sit and reflect every morning, and some join me more than others, and some only sit and watch, and don't participate at all.  But on the mornings they choose to sit with me and engage, has been extremely encouraging.  Encouraging because my children will remind me of simple biblical, truths and promises from God.  Encouraging because I can see that they KNOW truths about God and can hear him and draw near to him.

Just recently my sweet girl sat next to me and has drawn three separate words of encouragement with awesome explanations of each of them that my jaw has dropped.

And it is in these moments that I realized that once again I am needing to run the course of ebbs and flows of life.  That THIS is a victory for God's kingdom.  Because the more my children feel invited to experience God, that's another ambassador for love and freedom for God's kingdom...that's another seed planted.

So, I'm sure this season will end and I'll need to change something again.  Hopefully I won't take as long to see the new opportunity set before me.  Hopefully I will just be able to go with the flow and realize something needs to change.